Confessions

 
...just like she's walking on a wire in the circus... 
she has trouble acting normal when she's NERVOUS
{counting crows; round here}

 Necklace: Apricot Lane
Sandals: Aerosoles



Confessions...


I'm finding bold inspiration in a bizarre mixture of songs today (but that isn't really out of the ordinary); Counting Crows; Round Here, Chamillionaire; Good Morning, and Wilson Philips; Hold On. R discovered the Chamilionaire and I have to admit, it is a good wake up get going song. And Wilson Phillips? Well, we saw Bridesmaids Saturday night. ;)

 I cry every time I drive past the hospital where Sookie was born.

Sometimes I purposely go to the park without the baby safe swings so that I have an excuse to put Sookie on my lap and swing myself.

I feel like I was a much better nanny than I am a mom.

After going almost 4 weeks without Diet Coke I broke down the other day. I cannot begin to describe how awful I felt; further motivation to stick.with.it. I'm drinking lots of green tea lately.

I cannot figure out how to balance everything in my life. I don't want to admit this. I've had long enough to figure out a system and I just...haven't. My laundry? My laundry is like this evil being that multiplies every time I neglect it to go to the bathroom or do dishes.

I listen to Sookie's cd of kid songs sometimes when it is just me in the car. Who knew belting out Do You Know The Muffin Man is almost as liberating as doing the same with Lady Gaga's Born This Way. Almost, but not quite.

Last week I wore a yellow dress. I happened to glance at myself in the mirror, Sookie on my hip, said dress making me look a little pregnant (I'm not), for split seconds I fell madly and strongly in love with a world where this leap made sense. I tumbled down the rabbit hole with visions of of a growing belly and a toddler at my side, sisters close in age who share toys, laughter, kisses, popsicles and fairy wands. The kicker of all of this is that it is such the norm around here, and yet not a reality for us. I'm learning to accept that. I'm not going to ache for the sea when I have miles and miles of mountains. (Thank you Damien Rice for your eloquency.) I'm not going to miss the brilliant shades of yellow I get because I sometimes daydream about what green hues would be like to live.

Little Miss S has a doctor appointment today and we need to ask him about some issues she's having with walking. I'm nervous but trying to maintain a peace within, even if it ends up being an obstacle, she will be okay. Send some love our way? Thank you.

3 comments :

  1. What a great blog! I love your post, and can relate to your feelings about loving where you are yet looking and longing for another place. Thanks! I found you on Voiceboks and am so glad I did! I am now a happy new follower!

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  2. Born This Way was not a favorite initially but I'm obsessed with it now. I tend to hop on the bandwagon 3 months late anyways.

    I can't believe you went 4 weeks without Diet Coke! Please tell me you didn't swear off Sour Patch Kids as well?

    Rooting for Litte Miss S. Love you.

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  3. Hoping everything will be fine with Miss Sookie.
    As always...love your blog!

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