17 May 2012

always breathing, always loving

yesterday morning the sweet sounds of john mayer's new album born and raised was streaming through the air, and sookie was happily splashing in the bath as i helped her count her various ducks and ducks as incognito cats, puppies, and bunnies.

in, short? 
it was wonderful.

we high tailed it to the park yesterday afternoon, in search of refuge from the ordinary. i noticed the contrast of the sunshine yellow dandelion against our pale pink patchwork quilt, and the contradictory scene of a girl decorated with a polka dot party dress, gleefully throwing mud up into the heavens.

her vocabulary is exploding more and more every split second. she amazes me with her fierce determination to live life the way she intends. i take drops of her courage into my bones and remind myself everything she is, and in turn, everything that i am as well.

these days are busy and fleeting and pushing and propelling and hard and fast and challenging and full and blissful.

the other night i woke at 4 am to take my cystagon. i put a dose of cysteamine eyedrops in my itchy burning eyes. i crawled back into bed, put my hand on sookie's stomach, buried my nose on her arm, and sobbed. 

big, fat tears full of thanks.

i've had an emergency root canal done over the last few weeks. (they had to do it in parts because the tooth was so far gone.) my first one ever. so crazy! the obstacle that made it the toughest was my swallowing issues. having a million dental related things in my mouth, keeping it open for an hour and a half, and trying not to choke on my own saliva, well it was quite the adventure. it was a reminder things are changing and i need to fight my hardest to adapt. by the time it was all over i felt like a deserved a trophy. ha! what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

a few hours after the first day they worked on it, we went exploring the mountains. not the best idea, but sometimes you have to take life by the hands and say, come on, let's do this. NO EXCUSES.

my third mother's day was built up of three of my favorite adjectives: full, simple, and poignant.
little things can be indulgent, a lesson that never gets old when you rediscover the power behind small pleasures. i (finally) went to have my much neglected hair trimmed. my cousin thought i was cheating on her with another hairdresser because it had been so long. ha. after a whirlwind of a week at gLockets (our business we started of glass lockets that hold birthstone charms) headquarters, my awesome neighbor afton and i snuck away from our kids and men to have pedicures and pick up thai food. it was quick but incredibly refreshing! we were on a local utah morning show called good things utah a few days before mother's day and were slammed with orders! it was a rush and stressful and wonderful and insanely busy!

rory and sookie picked up some flowers to brighten up the front of the house. i love the instant cheery outlook of our porch now! roar also cleaned the house and shampooed the carpets. such kind gestures from my loves! mother's day morning i spent feeling lousy from cystagon and kept waiting for an energy burst that never came. i picked myself up and on the way to our favorite brunch place, my mom called them only to find out they had plans to close in the next 5 minutes. i had to laugh! we ended up at red rocks, an equally delicious and fabulous choice. ;)

holidays are complicated in the 6 years since my sister has been gone. especially mother's day. i miss her so much my body aches, but i recognize the weight of the extreme gift of motherhood. it is a day i miss my grandma k intensely as well. but we celebrated what we do have, and that is so very much.