27 May 2010


It's been a big week to say the least. To sum it up in a sentence, I had an interview for the Child Life internship at PCMC I've wanted for 6 years and Sookie was tested for Cystinosis; all within a 24 hour span. I feel like I'm still trying to wind down emotionally from all of it. Going to the same exact place two days in a row and having to put on two completely different hats was a great learning experience. Funny thing is, even after how emotionally drained I feel, I'm at peace with both situations and whatever stems from the answers. Of course, ideally I would love a yes to the internship and a no to Cystinosis for Sookie, but I will live out what comes.

Money is such a frustrating issue these days and it angers me that I'm letting it control so many of my moods. Although I know if R and I were both working, there would be something else to worry about. I am endlessly grateful for Sookie and her safe arrival. Every single day I wake up and just soak her in. She is a big facet to why I actually found the courage to finally apply for the internship. She is living proof I can do anything, and I don't care how cliche that sounds. I also don't want her to ever think she can't be a mommy and fulfill her professional dreams.

I realize the chances of her having Cystinosis are very rare. However, if I wait until she starts showing symptoms, I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that. I wasn't comfortable with having an amnio during the pregnancy, so I felt this was the best route. My head knows it is not a death sentence, but my heart, oh my heart... doesn't want her to grow up in hospitals or take over 30 pills a day or wonder where a kidney will come from.

19 May 2010

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Cherry Outfits, & Rain

At 26, I am still amazed at how shockingly different life can be in two consecutive days. Today was quiet and simple...but good. Our air conditioner was hooked up yesterday, and today it rained. Go figure.

I kiss Sookie at least a hundred times a day, no exaggerating there. I kiss her and tell her I love her over and over throughout the course of the day. Simply because I can. I have to remind myself she's real.

I find myself already melancholy for the days when she weighed 5 pounds. I was much more sleep deprived then, but it doesn't matter. I want to document every last itty bitty detail of her life, for now and always.

She has been sleeping for 9 to 10 hours a night for the past few weeks. I'm so grateful. Now, if I could just stop waking up every hour to make sure she's breathing.

I love how her personality grows every day. Yes, she's 15 weeks old and she has a blossoming personality already. I kid you not. I love her double chin she is rocking these days. How when she wakes up in the morning she is all full of love, light and smiles. She adores trying to shove her whole fist in her mouth; sometimes she even tries both of them. She coos and babbles to her little lamb friends that hang from her co-sleeper. I can only imagine the life changing advice she is giving them and the timeless stories she is telling them. I love how when I hold her chest to chest, her little arm instinctively wraps over mine in an early attempt at a hug.