30 June 2014

Hello Monday: Goodbye June

This post was inspired by Lisa Leonard's series, Hello Monday. I love the idea behind it all, saying hello to a fresh week with optimism, bravery, and gusto. Thanks Lisa, I appreciate the motivation more than you know!

Hello Monday and goodbye June! My adoration for June is multifaceted what with several happy things all jumbled into a thirty day marathon. Everything swirls into one big chaotic whirlwind of smiles, family, sunshine, reunions, birthdays, cystinosis fundraisers, Sookie's ballet recital, memories, carnivals and love. I remind myself over and over and over again to snag the moments as they float through the air and be present to cling to the now.

Hello to reading three books in June. Fly A Little Higher, the story of Zach Sobeich, If I Stay by Gayle Forman, and The Rules of Inheritance by Claire Bidwell Smith. Notice a theme here? Yes, I've been drawn to books about grief and tragedy a lot lately. I'm eight years into my grief journey after my sister passed on and reading other stories, whether fiction or not, helps me.

Hello backyard projects when my DIY guy gets a wild hair on the days when he doesn't go into the office. Yesterday we painted our shed door a happy and fresh apple green and planted (even more!) flowers in our front yard.

Hello to my momma heart being stretched to places it has never had to go before. Ah, the beauty and the heartache of raising a little human, loving her with everything you have, and aching for her to know how extremely powerful she is, every single minute she is alive.

What are you saying hello to this week?

25 June 2014

Amaze Yourself

I decided a little while ago to start living the life I wanted. A fantastically crazy concept, right? As simple (and as complicated) as that. Of course there are pieces I can't erase, but I'm venturing into new territory in my last few months as a thirty year old. We are all constantly evolving, learning, reaching, stretching, aching, chasing, and challenging. And the best part of all that? We are under no obligation to be the person we were five minutes ago. We might stumble and apologize for the falter in our steps, and in the same breath can take in the courage to attempt again. To showcase our authentic self and the truth we crave. To put forth the love and light hiding in every last corner of ourselves.

Today I went to our little neighborhood playgroup with Sookie, then on a lunch date with her to Chipotle. After that we headed to the new Whole Foods that recently opened somewhat close to our house. On the drive back home, I noticed her tired but content soft smile and the way it was plastered on her face, with the beauty of a good afternoon. I snuggled on the couch with her and she held my hand. She helped me prepare the asparagus we roasted for dinner, giggling as she licked her fingers covered in olive oil, garlic, and lemon. We grilled burgers outside when Rory came home. A very simple and basic day, but along the way I made the little choices to bring my joy up.

And that? The ability to choose, even on the most ordinary days? The power in that is pure magic. There are several aspects of my life that look like I've dreamed them for a long time now. I'm getting better each day at realizing my own control in creating what I want. It can be terrifying though, owning your reality. The beauty in that is wanting everything your little heart desires, and knowing you have it all within you to actually get there.

13 June 2014

Choose Happy

I have been running around basically non-stop all day and as a result, I'm about to fall into bed and promptly asleep the minute my head hits the pillow. However, I miss this space and the words I capture to document this crazy life. Therefore, here I am.

When you are living with a disease with no cure, I feel like you have two choices. You can roll over and give up. Or you can figure out what truly makes you come alive, what ignites your heart, what your non-negotiables consist of. You can take each day you are given and cradle it in your hands like the miracle it is. You can decide if your dreams are big enough to scare you, and then hunt them down anyway. You can be grateful for where you are, and yet still want more. You can cherish the fact you have medication available to you, even if it does make you feel like you are going through chemo. You can work your ass off to appear like that swan who is effortlessly gliding across the water, meanwhile intensely aware of the sacrifices and blood, sweat, and tears that all happen below the surface. You can make memories, plans, and build the life you've always daydreamed about.

With that said, tonight I'm grateful for new cozy towels in the dryer, the fact that Sookie's ballet recital is in a few days, there are organic gummy bears in the kitchen (Hooray for a Whole Foods about 10 minutes away from us now!) and the fact my best friend will be here in about 8 hours. 

Also? Tonight Sookie was wishing on stars and told me she would make a wish for me. I told her that was kind of her and I trusted her to know what I would wish. Her request for me? Sweet tea and a unicorn. Yep, she knows her momma well...doesn't she?

Brilliantly explosive joy. All this AND a stellar kidney that has worked for me for 19 1/2 years? Thank you. Happy, thank you, more please.