escape to the lake

this day started with an egg, tofu sausage, green pepper, red onion, tillamook cheddar cheese, and tomato concoction. i threw it all together on a whim and it turned out disturbingly delicious. the second i took my first bite, i knew today's potential only ended on the brink of my imagination's limits.

today we cast aside the grown up, "responsible" things on our agendas and took our girl to the lake.

for the past several days, i have been wading through the murky, heavy waters that come with the brand of guilt that is indeed concrete, but in which you did absolutely nothing wrong. you were living your life. sook has been dealing with a virus that has turned out to be quite a bully, and all three of us were ready for some fresh air and perspective, in big heaping doses.

today delivered; hours outdoors in silence, the only slight noises being the lapping of the waves against the shore and an occasional airplane overhead, stillness so loud i wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that i was back on a first name basis with my authentic self. i stripped everything down to my core and BAM! there i am again. funny how that happens. oh yeah, hey real self, i like you a hell of a lot more than your crazed, stressed out, overly analytical, rush rush rush version that insists she must be everything to everyone and if she isn't, she has no doubt, failed.

(i've been putting just a little too much pressure on myself lately...can you tell? ;)

sook chased the daddy long legs, the grasshoppers, and the sun. she waved at the boats, the hawk, and the water. she kissed the fish. she played in the dirt. she made the worms do acrobatics that prepared them for their debut in cirque du soleil.

nature is so good to me. she eases my fears, calms my nerves, restores my faith. she reminds me where i've been, where i'm going, where i am now.
and urges me to celebrate just how incredible all of that really is.

the ties that bind us.

yesterday morning i lounged in bed; playing quietly with a sweaty mass of red curls that belong to our brave, hilarious girl. all while i explored a brand new sacred ground, a whole new depth of grace, a fresh, just unearthed, deeper layer of gratitude.










we love big around here. and I relish in that fact. which is why we have friends that spread across the country, oceans, and skies. roar often teases me about the amount of loved ones we have sprinkled across the map.

on Friday as I held our feverish girl close to my chest, a fellow cystinosis "sister" was going through the unimaginable.

sookie woke up extra early Friday morning running a 100 degree fever. the pit of my stomach started twisting (and not just due to medication) as i committed something i consider a huge mistake in losing perspective quickly and getting lost and frustrated with the trivial. i allowed it to run amuck for only five minutes. then i put my big girl boots on and resolved it would be a day for cuddles on the couch, the backyardigans, olivia, and little bear, lots of water and enough kisses to fly her to the moon. it was okay, we would make the best of it. sure, there were things that i thought needed to be done, but i quickly erased them from my buzzing brain.

then i received news that amelia would be delivering her baby girl that afternoon via c-section (which has the potential to be highly dangerous for anyone with a transplanted kidney, because the kidney is literally, right there next to the uterus; but necessary in her case) at 25 weeks, 4 days due to severe preeclampsia.

..and this is where the gates to my heart swing wide open and i make no apologies

i was sad. i was angry. i was sad again. i relate to amelia in a way that is so achingly precious and massive, all encompassing. we both knew the risks we were up against. we knew what might happen. yet our desire to become mothers was stronger and brighter than numbers and medical facts. our love for our unborn children knew no limits of what had been possible in the past, and after fighting sickness our entire childhood and adolescense, all we wanted was a taste of normalcy, a chance to give life from bodies that denied us of something so simple, yet so complicated as functioning kidneys. we wanted to trade cystagon (the only drug we have to slow down the crystals building up in our bodies) every 6 hours for a positive pregnancy test. we wanted to trade appointments with nephrologists (kidney specialists) for appointments with maternal fetal medicine specialists. we wanted to trade ultrasounds on our transplanted kidneys for ultrasounds that revealed a beating heart inside of our bodies that have waged wars on themselves. we walked into fire, knowingly aware of the costs. we were ready to give up our lives, in order to give life to our impossible girls.

baby girl sophie hope, was born friday afternoon; she weighs 1 pound 8 oz and is 12 3/4 inches long. both fighters are stable right now.

i don't know why things happen the way they do. Life doesn't make sense.

I showed Sookie a picture of baby 'nilla (her nickname), told sookie to tell her to be strong, to grow, to fight; this world NEEDS her.

Sookie blew her a kiss.

I sobbed.

hoping for a miracle

{source}

i'm wishing for a miracle tonight.

another woman with cystinosis is pregnant (this is a miraculous occurrence in and of itself! what a marvelous world we live in!), is in the hospital tonight with preeclampsia; severe high blood pressure and protein in the urine. she is not yet 26 weeks. unfortunately, women with kidney transplants are more at risk for this complication in pregnancy. my team of doctors thought it was a given it would happen during my pregnancy with sookie.

my heart is aching, breaking, twisted and torn. amelia is to be the 7th woman in the world with cystinosis to have a baby. (that we in the community are aware of...) i have been thrilled to have her join me in this elite little club. our small group going through all of this pain associated with this disease; we absolutely needs these tiny soldiers to carry our hope and push us forward to better days. she is such a brave woman entering unknown territory. if you pray, could you pray for her, her baby girl, and her husband? if you believe in vibes, thoughts, wishes, could you send them their way? whatever is good, light, and full of love, could you broadcast it out their way in oklahoma? this woman has been through hell and back, fighting to stay alive, enduring a kidney transplant, and now this. it isn't fair. it just isn't fair.

i will be brutally honest; this was one of my biggest fears during my pregnancy. i have been feeling pangs of guilt today that i was able to carry little miss S for so long. it truly baffles my heart. i looked at sookie today and asked her, "how did you make it to 38 weeks? how did you do it?"

hoping

wishing

praying (in my own way)

for a miracle tonight.

will you join me please? in whatever avenue you feel comfortable. 

you are all incredible. thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.


linking up to:

the good stuff sunday (on a monday)

the good stuff sunday


...on a monday, because yesterday i took a much needed break from technology. (more on this later.)


the good stuff is chipotle guacamole and a dainty blue flower pin in her hair

the good stuff is the way a brilliant blue shirt brings out those eyes that make me feel like I can do anything...truly anything

the good stuff is the rapture that enthralls her as she spies a praying mantis on the front lawn and does her best to hold him, ever so gently


the good stuff is my new favorite color combination for fall; turquoise and purple


the good stuff is scooping my girl up in a hug to comfort her, feeling her hot breath right up against my neck


the good stuff is witnessing her riding a pony at the fair with poppa protectively by her side


the good stuff is spying teeny tiny shoes right next to my giant ones


the good stuff is our new headbands from la luce our incredible sponsor!


the good stuff is the utes absolutely slaughtering byu on saturday night; 54 to 10
(i have fierce ute pride as that is the hospital where i had my kidney transplant and where i graduated college)


the good stuff is my favorite day i've had in a very long time, in nature, with the two loves of my life.


and here...in pictures. ;)

what was the good stuff from your week? link up to your posts in the comments below, or just leave a comment with your gratitude list. i love reading what you all have to share! it inspires me to be more meticulous about picking out the little details from my week as well.


the happiest of mondays to you. 


make some memories this week.
laugh.
live.
dance.
capture it. write about it. relish in it.
stretch your toes.
xo.

laugh at the sky

{original source}

... learning to love myself; flaws, shortcomings, mistakes and all

... reading a book from my favorite author and falling asleep under the covers, feet intertwined with my love, our pup (who is not really a pup any longer, but a mature older sweet little man) snuggled up next to me.

...dancing with sookie in the kitchen

...an upcoming pre-wedding family gathering full of people i love and haven't seen in awhile

it is here; all around me, every day. 
impeccable beauty just waiting to be enjoyed.

i am in awe of the power of gratitude.

happy saturday sweet readers.

you mean so much to me!

five minute friday: joy

friday is nearly over; i cannot stop thinking about Sara. i feel guilty because i didn't know her as well as so many did in this blog world, but i feel like i've lost a friend. a very dear friend who showed me a million times over that illness does not have to take away your dignity, or your sense of humor. SUCH a massive realization to me over the years.


i'm linking up with the gypsy mama for five minute friday, and this is, by far, the most difficult five minute friday i've ever written.

joy

sara's mantra was; CHOOSE JOY.

no matter what: CHOOSE JOY.

every second of every day: CHOOSE JOY.

i've never met Sara Frankl, but she has impacted my life greatly. news of her impeding death has been consuming my thoughts the past few days. she is someone who battled serious illness, was in pain every day, and was confined to her house for three years. SHE COULDN'T GO OUTSIDE FOR 3 YEARS.  i think about how being confined to your home for 3 years would kill the soul and devastatingly demolish 97% of people. & yet she lived life with zest. she radiated love. sara is everything i aim to be; strong, courageous, funny, giving, LIVING. she lived. SO BRIGHT. she chose joy, she truly did. i only hope i can handle Cystinosis with more grace, more gratitude and more strength. thank you Sara. your light will shine forever.

{via}

grace is a dream for me. grace is how i want to live. grace is walking through your reality with a smile on your face and your head held high, even though you know what horrific downfalls wait for you around the corner. grace was my great grandma's middle name. grace is living every minute you are alive. grace is putting others before yourself. grace is the best response to a heartbreaking situation. grace is my incredible cousin kenley's middle name. grace holds your hand at the end of the day, gently squeezes it and assures you "you are perfect just the way you are." grace is something i want to be so tied up in, that is in interlaced into my flesh and bones. grace is something i ache to teach sookie.


i believe grace and joy are the best of friends.


you choose joy,


...and it chooses you right back.

life is now.

my heart is unsettled tonight.


oh, i do my absolute best to focus on the good in life, laugh through the pain and cling close to those i love and celebrate what i have, what i used to have, and what i one day will have.


but tonight my heart hurts for two incredible women i know through the internet and blog world. my sweet, beautiful friend gina lost her mother to stage IV lung cancer. gina has handled all of this with such grace and kindness. she amazes me. sara frankl aka gitzen girl is going home soon. i don't know sara, i only know her through her blog, but can i tell you how much this girl moves me to LIVE?! she handles her illness and reality with such...honor and gratitude. i hope against hopes i can face the progression of my disease with her kind of strength.


my movements are more deliberate today, my thoughts aligned with what is true, my emotions slower; telling anxiety to simply take a hike.


how do you turn your head toward the sun in times like this? when it is so achingly obvious...life is not fair. it's not. no matter how hard you try to sugarcoat it.


what do you do? you take it all in, you feel compassion and empathy. you allow yourself to experience the hurt, you take it, look it over, recognize the message it has, but you don't let it hold you back from anything.

i'm going to continue to look into this angel face, soaking up all her magic and loving her with all i have. i'm not going to worry about tomorrow, or how much time i have with her, i'm going to do what matters; because life is now.

new banana

muddy jeans are a sign of a good day.
no, wait...a really good day.

roar has lured me into a new nightly ritual; after we get miss sook to surrender to the bliss of dreamland, we settle into season 3 of parks & recreation and haagen dazs coffee toffee almond ice cream bars. okay, the parks & rec is only his fault, the haagen dazs is my mom's. but you can't go wrong with laughter so intense it spurs snorting fits and ice cream. can you? well my jeans are fitting snug these days, but oh well. laughter burns calories so it is a win/win.


my plate is so full these days i frequently need multiple pieces of pretty china to accommodate to everything and more than two arms to balance it all. but you know what? i had a mini epiphany today; it is all stuff i love doing; tasks i put my whole heart into, projects that matter, forces i am passionate about.


so why do i stress? probably because i think i need to, but i'm getting better at realizing when my head is pounding with chaos and basking in deep breaths and calm vibes. matter of fact, this afternoon when i was going over my to do list and simply wanting to burst into tears of inadequacy, my dad asked if sook, my mom and i wanted to join him for a late lunch. and you know what? i threw my many tasks into the fading background of life and let yummy mexican food and priceless moments with family take center stage. 


i have to say, i quite enjoy it when i teach myself a lesson.


this week i'm excited for the utah state fair and the intense rivalry to play out on the football field between the utes and byu. 


what are you excited for?


if nothing else...

{pinterest

via

etsy}

relish in the simple joys.

they will get you far.

the good stuff sunday

every sunday afternoon around these parts, we write about all "the good stuff" that filled our week. it can be life altering things, it can be lots of little joys that snuck themselves into our days and made them better, or it can be a mish mash of both. think weekly gratitude list to remind ourselves of how lucky we truly are, no matter what. so grab a button and link up! i can't wait to see what has made your heart sing this week!

the good stuff is a very low key labor day with my two loves, delicious food and perusing borders' very last chance sale. ...and this face, ha!

the good stuff is an impromptu getaway to the really good park with my girl & red mango yogurt in the september breeze.

the good stuff is oodles of sunflowers in our yard & jack (our dachshund) searching for fun.

the good stuff is fresh zucchini, green beans, & mushrooms drizzled in some olive oil with some garlic.

the good stuff is a trip to the zoo, with my wonderful cousins & our little ones, seeing sookie taking it all in on an entirely new level, just since we were there back in may, over mother's day weekend. i feel so full when i witness her on a brand new facet of understanding and comprehending her world around here. 

the good stuff is elephants, monkeys, & giraffes.

the good stuff is not getting peed on during the carousel like i did in may. ;)

the good stuff is to die for treats from the sweet tooth fairy; coconut bites & a raspberry lemonade cupcake.

the good stuff is tiny silver glitter toms in sookie's size.

the good stuff is satisfying a friday night craving of pizza cooked to perfection, accompanied by my mom, roar, and sook.

the good stuff is ute game day & a red and white polka dot dress.

the good stuff is homemade margaritas & my dad's out of this world salsa.

i'm linking up with


what little bits of happiness made your week special?
grab a button and link up!!

happy sunday.
do something awesome today.
...because you are. ;)

<center><a href="http://www.ahappygirl.com/p/good-stuff.html"><img vspace="none" hspace="none" alt="goodstu" src=" http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n248/wordsforeverything/thegoodstuffbutton.jpg " align="center" /></a></center>

winds of change

these days the wind is quietly shuffling out summer and her hot rays, and in the same breeze, eagerly pushing in a softer warmth which is tinged with a crisp change. i am no longer momma, i have now become mommy. this little difference is an earthquake in my world, leaving ripples of aftershocks in her wake. her voice emphasizes the eee at the end and i shiver with delight each time it reaches my ears. i can't put my finger on why she has suddenly switched my title, because rory doesn't refer to me as mommy and i don't use it to refer to myself, but i welcome it. the same way i welcome the fact she is morphing into my little friend, as opposed to this little being i am responsible for. this little friend who conspires with me how to build the best fort possible, when we should be picking up and getting dinner ready. this little friend who i enjoy a frozen yogurt with on a sunny september afternoon. this little friend who makes me belly laugh and approach everything with the fascination of a toddler.

there are, in fact, advantages to being an extremely petite 4'11" momma; i am the only one at the park climbing on the play structures with my girl, counting down our descent from the top of the slides, holding her tight as we twist down the slippery slopes, her laughter exploding into the air promptly upon our arrival at the bottom.

i want to be the mommy that lets her jump on the bed, eat ice cream for breakfast, and teaches her how to feed her soul and see it grow to the breadth of its capacity, value her self worth over a boy's opinion, and knows how to stand up for herself in a way that is bold, and yet with rounded blurry edges that fade into kindness. you can be nice and at the same time not take anyone's bull; it is a fine, intricate, delicate balance.

i want to be the mommy that is there; every moment of every day, in every week of every month. the mommy that is present in each crack of a moment when you recognize it and poof...it starts to slip away.

the other night she was carrying around a photo from our trip to san francisco; she had scribbled on the backside of it with pen. for half a second i was ready to be frustrated over the fact she had ruined it. but she had this deep pride in her eyes when she held it up to my face, she was showing off her masterpiece, and she was utterly elated to be doing so. how could i be upset over that? i can print another photo any day, however i cannot recreate a moment so vital to her budding confidence.

she is saying more, owwie, and moon these days. my favorite thing right now is when she says something and i figure out what it is. she grins like the cheshire cat; message received. she gets so excited, her entire body shows her glee. communicating with her in this way is a new ballgame; one i am  pumped to be a part of. is there anything better watching the little being you helped create, learning every day, yet completely extraordinary skills?

lately in the mornings when we wake up, i watch her smooth movements, her toddler body doing things that seem so mature, her eyes sparkling with possibility, her teeth set into a grin, ready for the adventures of a new day. i stare at her and wonder how someone so perfect could have come from a body such as mine, where so much is wrong.

it is really quite incredible.
still.

{inspiration workshop} inspiring books

books are an escape, they take us far away. books are a vehicle to detour from our current reality. books are like good friends, they invite you in, make you a cup of hot coffee, and put their arms around you when you really really need a hug. books are the break we need from the hustle and bustle. books help us reconnect with our authentic selves. books take our hand and coax us to delve back into our happiest childhood moments; where the world was free, laughter was the best medicine, and birds chirped in a sing song way just for you and you only. books force us to slow down, take a breath, soak up the perfection that is everywhere around us. books inspire us, delight us, entertain us, make us, and break us.


i heart books. don't you?


this week the Gussy Sews inspiration workshop prompt is: Inspiring Books.

books have led me through some of the most difficult times in my life; frequent hospitalizations, my kidney transplant, losing my sister, and my pregnancy. i love jumping head first into a new book, ready to go wherever the words will flow. 


a book that has meant the most to me this year has been: 

She... 

by Kobi Yamada

{via}

I stumbled upon this book in my internet travels one day and immediately knew I had to have it. It is filled with gems to help you take flight again if you are feeling low on optimism. 

{via}

{via}

{via}

{via}

i won't spoil it for you and post every single quote this book contains, but seriously? SO INSPIRING. & yes i'm yelling. i just freaking love this book. 

as a result of some heavy hint dropping, roar gifted it to me for mother's day this year. i cannot tell you how many times i run to this book for hope, motivation, confidence...reminders of how awesome i am. i am a huge alice hoffman fan; i love that her stories are like fairytales for adults. and no, this particular book i am highlighting today does not contain a remarkable plot line with a jaw dropping ending that will catch your heart in your throat, blood pumping, tears threatening to spill out, but it will inspire you to go out and live your very own life's story. 


& that is as good as fairy dust if you ask me. ;)


so tell me; what are some of YOUR favorite inspiring books?

happy thursday!

xo.

the good stuff sunday

we are venturing into something brand new today! after writing last week's "the good stuff" sunday, i felt so much better about the previous week, with a renewed sense of vigor for the upcoming one as well. so i was thinking, why not spread this and host a link up every sunday? the good stuff sunday is like a weekly gratitude list, all of your "good stuff" from the past week! the only thing i ask if you link up, is please grab a button so others can come visit as well.

oh the button? i had this silly idea to put one of my Stella & Dot necklaces on a turtle, and throw a can of diet coke in there as well; because all three of those things are good, happy things. sookie looked like a turtle in many of her ultrasounds, thus earning herself the nickname of turtle girl. therefore we have a lot of turtle paraphernalia around here. ;)

<center><a href="http://www.ahappygirl.com/2011/09/good-stuff-sunday.html"><img vspace="none" hspace="none" alt="thegoodstuffsunday" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CRKBkBtynvM/TmOo7MfjVQI/AAAAAAAABPQ/Sn5x93bQawg/s1600/thegoodstuffbutton.jpg" align="center" /></a></center>

the good stuff is watching my dad live out the love of a grandpa. i never thought i would get to witness something so perfect. he re-fashioned our old tricycle for sook in pink and purple. he was beyond giddy to show it to her. she still has awhile to go before she reaches the pedals, but oh how sweet.

the good stuff is a saturday night to wander around target all.by.myself. if you are a momma to a toddler, you know that this is pure bliss. even better? later that night roar was gone to a blink 182 concert, S was asleep, and i further spoiled myself with a new pop of color on my toes (gorgeous teal color from essie, called trophy wife. haha), a blue moon, and the latest issue of martha stewart living.

the good stuff is listening, really listening, to what people are saying.

the good stuff is that roar was in the paper today with an article about his company and his iPhone apps. we are SO proud of him. he moves me every day to keep with what i want, no matter what is in the way.

the good stuff is my grandpa (sookie's great grandpa, who she now calls "other poppa") saying "i'm going to put that on ebay!" after receiving a kiss from sook. now honestly, he might have meant to say he was going to put it on facebook, but he makes me laugh either way.

the good stuff is watching sookie channel her inner sheep herder at my parents'.

the good stuff is sephora and chipotle in the same night. talk about happy overload to my senses. i picked up some goodies at sephora with sweetly given birthday funds. i get too excited over new makeup, but i'm psyched to paint this tired momma face with some fresh new colors.

the good stuff is sookie's vocablulary is growing by the second.

the good stuff is that jack (our sweet, but crazy weiner dog) is doing so much better. he hurt his back earlier in the week and while he has done it before, this time was particularly scary. he is easily prone to back problems because of his long body so close to the ground. we give him meds and make him rest as much as possible; which is no easy feat for him. but he's doing a lot better and seems to be on the mend. he and sookie are such funny playmates; they equally annoy and entertain one another. but there is SO much love between them.

the good stuff is being so alive with ideas that i have about 10 blog posts in draft mode right now. i love the chapters of my life when inspiration overwhelms me, gives me zest; i thrive on it. such a beautiful thing.

the good stuff is coffee in my pink "all you need is love" beatles mug. sookie gave it to me for mother's day.

the good stuff is listening to the new live counting crows album; august & everything after: live at town hall. falling in love with mr. durtiz all over again; his passion injects right into you through his words. he will always be capable of giving me chills.


now it is your turn! what has been "the good stuff" from your week?

saturday morning scene

when we allow ourself the priceless luxury of easing into our days?

these are the best days.




 

this gorgeous first saturday in september greeted us with crisp fifty five degree temperatures this morning. college football (utah state vs auburn) is on the t.v. and little miss S is babbling on the couch reading "there's a wocket in my pocket" to us. i sure do love that good old dr. seuss.


sookie has been showcasing her newly acquired bubble blowing skills, playing in mommy's bare escentuals and brushes, and taking pretend, but still incredibly crucial, business calls on her pink phone.

i made blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs with red onions, green peppers, and tomatoes fresh from poppa's garden. we danced and let loose to def leppard and fergie. (i make sure sook gets a healthy dose of ray lamontagne, patty griffin, and the doors, to counteract said guilty pleasure tunes. ;)


*******

i'm putting sponsor related things and stella & dot things at the bottom of posts in order to keep entries somewhat streamlined. i hope that makes sense. we do have a lot of exciting things happening around here lately and i'm ecstatic about it! :)

i wanted to pass along the labor day special from Stella & Dot receive a free $60 bracelet with any $125 purchase. it really isn't too early to snag one for a christmas gift! just add your items to your cart, add the bracelet, and the discount will be applied. plus, for the holiday weekend, there is an additional 20% off all SALE items! 

*******

tomorrow will see a new feature here on the blog, the good stuff sunday. we will cherish all the good stuff about our weeks. like a gratitude list at the end and start of a new week. sound good? i can't wait to see what you have ready to link up! i really believe thinking and writing about "the good stuff" is good for the soul, no matter how your week went.

here is to having a wonderful day.
xo.
{t}

some brilliant blogs

{via pinterest}

& oh how i DO love you blogs...and coffee. i need this cute print for my little inspiration corner, don't you think?

happy friday sweet friends! how are you all doing after another crazy week? any fun plans for the labor day weekend?

today kelly's korner is having a link up about your favorite blogs. i thought i would join in. i stuck to the blogs i adore that are lesser known, but that i think everyone should be reading. ;)

{fabulous blogs!}

shelby lately

shelby and i have been friends for over a decade. she recently moved to dc and inspires me endlessly to take bold steps to take my life where i want it to be.

things jill likes

my friend jill is hilarious. like pee your pants if you've had a child, or even some if you haven't, kind of hilarious. she always makes me laugh and her personality shines through her writing.

never niche

i love the name of clare's blog almost as much as i love her. she is one of the sweetest souls i have ever been blessed to have in my life. she writes about a myriad of things (hence, the title of her blog) and always inspires me to work harder to be kind to myself. she has oodles of wonderful financial advice as well!

scenic glory

lindsay is so kind and always has pretty things to share. her blog always make me feel peaceful. bonus? her shop has beautiful things, like peacock earrings!

the wonder forest

dana's blog design is about the cutest thing i've ever seen. i just recently came across her blog, but i am loving everything she posts! she put up a wonderful makeup tutorial a few days ago. she makes the cutest little plush critters in her etsy shop!

there are definitely more blogs i love, but this momma needs a nap after a long night with sookie. taking baby steps to keep my stress levels at bay. i've realized i truly need to be nicer to my body and stop trying to do everything all the time. ha, a novel concept right? i simply want the best for her, at every single minute of every day and sometimes i let myself get too carried away with the stress of that. definitely re-prioritizing a lot of things and it feels fabulous. i owe it to myself and to my daughter to be at my best, to live the brightest version of my life. don't we all?

you are your own future and that thought is incredibly empowering. i hope you all know that too; life is too short to wait to be happy, or to put off taking better care of yourself. do something for YOU today. that is my challenge. what will it be?

hope you are having a day full of things that make you smile.
xo.
{t}

five minute friday: rest

grateful for this week. SO thankful. it's been a doozy, but so packed full of good stuff i think i'm going to start a new link up series titled "the good stuff sunday" to bottle up all of the good stuff encapsulated in our week. what do you think? will you come back on sunday and link up? i adore seeing what little pieces of joy people pick out of their weeks. 

five minute friday is such a blessing. if you are tired of your words, if they have escaped you this week, if you find yourself frantically trying to track down some inspiration; five minute friday is for you. i'm linking up again this week even though it was a rough start and even after pushing myself some, i still didn't get enough out of the prompt...but i did it. and you should too! just write for five minutes on the given topic and see what flows out of your fingertips. get messy, color outside the lines, don't fret over editing. then hit publish. link up over at the gypsy mama and visit the others who have as well. it is an amazing and encouraging link up each week! which is why i keep coming back. ;)

(rest)

i love words. at times, i live for words. while i attempt to rest, words are shaking in my capillaries, crowding my bones, aching and clawing to get out. but in a good way, not in the desperate empty way any of this sounds. 19 months into motherhood, it is a lesson i am repeatedly given (both times this year in a HUGE way after ER trips) that i cannot survive, let alone THRIVE without being gentle with myself and surrenderring to...rest.

full circle, sookie reminds me to rest. to be kind to myself. to sleep hard, play hard, word hard, live life in pink. rest is required if we are to live out our days fully, with as much gusto as possible. soak up the quiet. dwell in the silence and the much bigger message awaiting underneath all of that stillness.

slow down.
breathe.
be.

*******

i want to welcome with warm arms, our new sponsor, la luce designs.

her stuff is fun, fresh, and just that extra touch to add a sprinkle of extra cuteness to plain jeans and a tshirt, but it is also classy enough to complete the look of an outfit for a more dressed up occasion. i love that about her creations! ashley offers something for everyone; hair accessories, necklaces, rings, earrings, and even special items for brides! go check out her shop and treat yourself to a little icing in the form of a pretty handmade accessory. :)

if you are interested in sponsoring a happy girl, please email me! tahnie@gmail.com i accept sponsors at all times and your ad runs for 30 days after. i would LOVE to help you spread word about your business or your blog. i'm constantly in awe of how giving and sweet this blogging world is; it is a fabulous thing.

*******

oh friday, thanks for existing & reminding us to have fun, be young, live in the now, & dance like you don't care what anyone thinks.

here's to a weekend full of hope. the most potent kind.

happy birthday frankie

{Sarah Dawson Photography}

Happy Birthday to someone I think of as my second momma. 

Someone who put up with a grief stricken very depressed and grumpy ghost version of myself, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Someone who had the balls to tell me to pull my heart out of the prison I was keeping in it, in order to catch tiny bits of Paris so that they could inhabit and dance in my veins forever and ever.

fairly certain this was the hottest day in Paris history

Someone who reminds me to find the laughter in every little piece of life. Someone who loves my girl with the same brand of fiery fervor that I do. Someone who inspires me to live bigger and love better, but at the same time, to stop holding myself to impossible standards. Someone who reminds me this balance is attainable, albeit a rocky road that must be ventured down meticulously, joyfully, with gratitude as your armor.

Someone who reminds me to laugh at the ridiculous and clueless, hold tight the ones who are worth it, and always, always, continue to fight the good fight; for myself AND for Cystinosis.

LOVElove.
HAPPYhappy.