20 February 2011

February 2011 Goals

Have I ever told you about how giving birth gave me an empowering high? How I felt like I could do anything in the weeks and months that followed?

More on that in a minute.

Perhaps I should rename this monthly post to, "A quote to live by for February". Nonetheless, this month's is a really good one.

Funny I chose this because we will be taking a literal flight across the skies in a few weeks, but of course I mean beyond that.

I felt like I could do anything last year after I gave birth. It is an indescribable type of confidence that only comes from bringing another life into this world. It was so stunningly concrete, so perfectly valid because I had five pounds of tiny little toes, fingers, nose, and ears...all congealed and smashed together as my proof.

It was nothing short of magic.

Then, somehow, in a maze of sleep deprivation, momma guilt, choices, stress, heartache, every day frustrations, teething, tantrums...I lost that exhilarating belief and fondness in myself and my abilities. I'm on the path back to there though. No, I'm not giving birth again, (I wish) but venturing down those trails again and trusting myself like I did in those weeks and months after Miss S first arrived. It seemed like every day had a cast of soft orange light to it.

I'm much too hard on myself and forget to stop, look around, laugh, and breathe. The days when I solely focus on myself and Sookie are by far the best days. Even when I don't touch the dirty dishes, or do one load of laundry. I know when she gets older I will not remember how clean my floors were, but I will remember what she was wearing and the glee in my heart when she first winked. Or the look of excitement, fear, and momma can I really do this, on her face when she stood alone for 10 seconds.

Alas, February? Looking at the big picture and remembering to take those little twenty minute stolen mini-vacations to let the rest of the world fade away...and soar with my girl.

Corny? I don't really care.

Hope your weekend was the best.


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