07 August 2011

my happiness journey

this weekend & last are blanketing over me with the crucial reminder of how much possibility the world always holds for us & how much power we all truly have in creating our own happiness.

every once in awhile, i need that potent wake up call.

my life is not perfect...

i know! total shocker, right? it is millions of miles away from perfect actually. i battle with my inner demons just like everyone else. and yes, i've done the woe is me, i'm the victim path...but you know what? it is exhausting & ugly & really not very much fun when it comes down to it. that isn't how i want to spend my days.

i could easily throw my words out here every day about how 15 years with my one and only sister was not nearly enough, & i will never get over that. about how it is frustrating and (at times) seems entirely ridiculous to me that in order to maintain my eye sight, i am required to put eye drops in every hour i'm awake. the fact the only life sustaining medication i have might cost $70,000 a year in the future is so terrifying it makes my stomach churn. (which is comical in a disturbingly ironic way because the drug itself causes severe GI complications, including lots of vomiting.)

but that kind of stuff fades into the background. why? because it simply has to or i would not have the strength to get out of bed. it is important stuff no doubt, but up against my toddler's sing song laughter, her kisses, getting to spend my moments with the most patient man in the world, the overall beauty everywhere in the world? it doesn't even compare. it can't.

i find an incredible amount of inspiration in this little, but oh so big blog world. Sara is truly a stunning example of what we should all strive for as human beings. she is confined to her home as a result of her health battles, a disease known as Ankylosing Spondylitis. yet, you would have no idea looking at the amount of joy this gal radiates. her dignity and vitality is a remarkable showcase of how lucky we all are to be living this crazy thing called life. there are many people i can think of who would not handle such a tough situation with the grace that Sara does. on my more challenging days, when nausea, fatigue and pain and rearing their annoying little heads in my body, she motivates me to go to the park, go grocery shopping, go visit a loved one...because i no matter how awful i physically feel, i still have the choice to leave my house. & that is a huge facet in my little universe.

this summer i've had my own weaknesses and mistakes, but i've been happy. microscopic moments in time with my family, just the three of us, propel me to reach higher, love stronger, and dream even bigger.
this is what i know:
happiness is really a CHOICE. just like anything worth having, you absolutely get up every single day and work on it. you choose what you are going to think about and you choose pour your precious energy into. you can be your own hero or your own worst enemy. the power lies within you. happiness is such an internal place.

& now i must dash.
we get to go pick out a potty for our big girl.
she's not our baby anymore & while that can be a little bittersweet,
i'm lucky i get to bask in all of everything that lies in the now.
i'm excited to jump into this new chapter of her life with her.

let's just be happy.
what are we waiting for?



  1. love this post ... and i will choose to be happy today!

  2. You are one amazing mama. I've read a bit about your health history and I am rooting for you. I have lupus and deal with daily health "stuff', but nothing of your magnitude. You are awesome!

  3. wow...you are awesome....i love your message, blog, and the fact that you named your daughter sookie...i am your newest follower!

  4. your story is beautiful, as are you lady!! thanks for leaving a comment on my blog-- i'm so thrilled to find yours. truly an inspiration.

    have a lovely weekend:)...xoxo

  5. WOW! is all I can say WOW. Thank you for your story. I struggle with happiness. I really have NO reason to be unhappy at all. God through you convict my spirit! You are right Happiness is a choice!

  6. great post!! you are amazing!!

    Jenna Duty


  7. You are like a star, you shine so brightly :).

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