24 November 2010

Miss Personality

My heart swells each time I catch a glimpse into a new facet of Sookie's personality. Lately this seems to happen daily, if not multiple times throughout the day. Nearly 10 months into this adventure of motherhood, I still get goosebumps as I mentally scan her precious ears, nose, lips and contemplate the enormity of the fact all of this developed inside of me. Such a baffling truth in this world and yet at the same time so wondrous and magical. Her perfect little hands that grasp a cheerio so expertly, throw toys (her newest favorite past time), and splash in Jack's water bowl. I think back to seconds after she was born, placed on my stomach, her tiny little body still covered in vernix, as I held her hand. Daddy cut her cord and I held her hand. I couldn't think of anything else to do.

I'm going to be honest here; I used to find myself really angry with mothers who complained and whined that their children were growing up too fast. I used to think, well at least you can have children, be grateful you are healthy enough to have them, be thankful they are not sick, growing, and yes getting older. And now? Yes it is bittersweet to pack away yet another size of clothing into boxes, your memories associated with all that fabric somehow get tangled in the fibers and rest there until you come across photos later on. Yes it is so hard to miss that small, helpless newborn you brought home from the hospital. I get it now, but I remind myself I am blessed with the chance to go through these stages with her, these new growing pains; when so many moms out there don't because their sweet ones are now angels. I loved her newborn stage. We both took endless photos. I wrote spastic journal entries composed of short thoughts, spectacular little moments of those blurry few months on my iPhone. I savored sleeping in two hours blocks because I was riding sky high on the adrenaline she was here, she was thriving, she was ours and we were able to bring her home against all odds.

This age now is so challenging but so fun! (And I am sure I will say this for every upcoming stage we go through!) She really is just showing us how full of life she is, how much she loves everything and everyone, and her never ending zest for simply existing. I literally cannot turn my head away from her for more than two seconds or she is trying to climb out of her high chair or banging her head with the toilet seat.

The holidays are fast approaching and I can't help but think back to last year at this time; the mounting anxiety, the overwhelming worry, the times between of endless hope and dreams. It was such a strange time in my life; I was so consumed with each end of the spectrum, it is no wonder I felt emotionally drained every second of every day.

I worry constantly about everything I could be doing better, obsess over the areas where I could be doing more. But is there a mother out there who at the end of every day thinks she excelled in every aspect of not only her parenting life but her life as a professional, and her life as a wife? But, Sookie is happy. So happy. I lose count of how many people tell me what a happy baby she is. And she's affectionate. Really, could I ask for more?

Here is a video showcasing just how much she loves music and when Daddy sings to her. And how funny she is!

Here is another one that shows how silly and hyper she becomes when she is exhausted beyond belief! This was from our recent trip to Denver last week.

See? She is just too much. She makes me laugh. She reminds me life is good.