don't waste your motherhood.




I feel like the idea of don't waste your cancer is a heavy and significant one. I adore libby ryder's blog of the same title. It inspired me so much, I've even toyed and started to write an entire blog post don't waste your cystinosis, but haven't found the courage to tie up the loose ends and hit that publish button. Tricky subjects require gentle words to avoid hurting feelings and hearts. Truth is, there is SO MUCH to gather up and learn when you are going through or living with a life threatening health diagnosis. There are some lessons that can only be grasped firmly when you stare death directly in the face. By no means am I saying motherhood is the equivalent to cancer and cystinosis in terms of hardship, please don't get the wrong idea and think that! I thought it might be a fun and interesting topic to challenge myself to dive into, flipping it onto the mama hood aspect. I've wanted to record some of the little scenarios I've been indulging myself in lately with Miss S and how much more at peace I feel in the world when I do make that extra effort, go that extra mile, make that bottle of elusive fairy potion, to move that girl into smiles that light up the whole world.

There are endless beautiful things I want to show Sookie about life. That intricate ribbon of love weaving through every one of us. How it connects us all. The way it becomes that much more apparent when we approach everything with open love and we jump headfirst to forgiveness, instead of assumptions and hurt. When we reach out and give little pieces of our hearts, when we run toward pain instead of away from it, because we are all in this together.





If you've been reading for awhile here, you know (or at least I hope I've conveyed) that I view motherhood as a privilege. It is such a sacred place and journey to me. I respect it with the weight of the fact I'm technically medically speaking not even supposed to be living and breathing right now, let alone been given the immense gift of motherhood. I know motherhood means a thousand different things to a few different people, and I freaking love that. I love that we can all feed off of each other's ideas and encourage and cheer and uplift and support.

I have a few questions for God when we meet. One of them is "Why are so many outstanding and brave women aching to be mothers when others pop out kid after kid after kid, completely oblivious to how lucky they are?" Another question I would ask would be "Why are sour patch kids so amazingly delicious?" But, I digress.

There are times when the tears come fast, spilling down my cheeks. Because I am overwhelmed with everything...staying on top of my grueling medication schedule and being the kind of mom I want to be, juggling my fears, all of it. Yes, I do fall apart sometimes. I want to be everywhere at once because I do not want to have regrets.

Earlier this week at my Aunt Doe's, I told Sookie if she stood under these flowers and laughed, a tiny little fairy would jump from them, right onto her head.




Tonight as we took a bath together, she asked me to be her prince. I talked in a (very bad) low prince voice. She thought it was hysterical. It lifted my mood tremendously too.

I have started a new daily ritual. I wake up. I think, look at this gorgeous day. I've been given another one. Honestly, five days out of seven, I'm shocked I'm still alive. The enormity of it all is not lost on me one bit. I look over at Sookie and I simply study her. I soak her in. Every line of her face, every wisp of red curls, every bruise and souvenir of childhood.

Yesterday:
Me: "Did you know you're my miracle?"
Sookie: "Yeah."

Don't waste it mommas. Don't waste any of it please. This is all so precious and thrilling and it is all right now.

30 comments :

  1. If everyone lived like you, could you imagine the beauty that could encompass this earth? Thanks for inspiring. You are amazing.

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  2. Very true - we're so lucky to have this role. I cherish it every day.

    .:Marta:.

    petiteraisin.ca

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  3. sigh. another goodie. thanks my friend.

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  4. this. is. wonderful. just came over via casey's link, so glad i clicked on yours!

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    1. Thank you Kerry! I truly appreciate it!

      Happy Weekend to you!
      xoxo.

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  5. I have that same question...whether most moms realize the miracle.

    Wonderful post, and so glad that you're getting to experience, so richly, your miracle.

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  6. So very glad I found you on SITS today.

    What a beautiful story. And a beautiful little girl.

    We have had our fair share of sadness and we're about to commemorate and celebrate life in a week or so. But through our experiences I think it has unlocked the elusive "secret of life." Maybe that's what sadness does. And I wonder if people searching for that would be willing to risk tragedy in order to find it. I know we have it and the trade off for the lowest of lows is the highest of highs.

    www.MommaCandy.com

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  7. Now this is truly letting happiness in... even in the face of fear and hardship!

    So glad I popped over to explore your blog this afternoon.

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    1. Oh thank you so much for your sweet words and for visiting!

      xoxo.

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  8. What a beautiful reminder! Your daughter is so so precious.

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  9. this is just beautiful... holy cow am I glad you stopped by my space and introduced me to your sweet little internet nook! sookie is all kinds of lovely and you.... you are amazing, sweet friend... I'm just loving getting acquainted with your space! xoxo

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  10. This is so beautiful. Yes, motherhood is a privilege. Your daughter is adorable. None of us are guaranteed another moment in life. However, I know that when you have a life threatening sickness it definitely puts a whole new outlook on your life and those who are directly affected by it. I'm glad that you are treasuring every moment you have.

    I am here from #SITSummer.

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  11. Thrilled to have discovered your blog today. It is truly inspirational. I have been struggling as I recently miscarried my baby, but I found your blog to be uplifting.

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  12. I found your blog today through the SITS Facebook, and I am so glad that I did! Your writing and photos are beautiful, as is your spirit! I've definitely become a follower.

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  13. Motherhood is SUCH a privilege. Our children are the most powerful legacy we leave. Thank you for sharing this encouraging post for all us momma's.

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  14. What a sweet Momma you are!!! Thank you for this reminder. We are given this GIFT of Motherhood! I agree, lets not waste it!

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  15. Just found your blog- lovely!

    I absolutely love how you're making your daughter's world so magical! Very inspirational!

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