03 April 2011

These Are The Days

These are the days I've dreamt of. These are the days I will remember. Two baths by two thirty in the afternoon because a little miss thought it would be fun to put yogurt in her hair instead of her mouth. These are the days she wakes up and upon seeing me, catapults her entire being on top of  my chest and neck. I return the robust affection by smashing my lips into her soft cheeks. These are the days she inhales veggie dogs and organic strawberries. These are the days her balance is showcasing her budding confidence. Her grin says it all; hey ma, look at me standing by myself. These are the days her pretend play capabilities are bursting forth into the atmosphere with every tea cup, dolly, and wheeled gear creature she gets her hands on. These are the days she is morphing into the future version of herself at such a rapid speed that my heart cries and sparks all in the same beat. These are the days she has a physical grip so strong on the material objects she thinks she must hold on to, that I pray she has that same kind of tenacity and passion for the people she loves and the dreams she plans.

These are the days of I love her more every day because every day there is more to love.

These are the days we have picnics with poppa on grateful dead blankets. These are the days this momma relishes in simple pleasures like creme brûlée shower gel, Kid Rock, and sushi. Even though none of these simple things fix the big messes, they somehow distract from it all for little moments in time, thus pushing the reminder on me that the only thing that is important is making peace with who I am. That is the only aspect of life I have control over.

These are the days of:
Her crawl has such attitude.
I know, it's like she always has a song in her head. 

These are the days when indulgent salt and vinegar potato chips and a bright green shirt with puffy, barely less than flamboyant sleeves, are enough to make the world seem brighter.

These are the days when I'm grumpy, Rory tells me "Your aura is constipated."

These are the days when we whisper to each other in bed. No, not sweet nothings, but awe of our daughter. I love her so much it scares me. I know, proof that unconditional 100% love exists.

These are the days of flashcards, Sookie proudly boosting the rocket flashcard to the sky, complete with sound effects. These are the days her naps are lasting longer, and momma is beyond grateful. These are the days of trying out big chunky crayons, and momma deciding it is a little too soon when there are bite marks on them and no scribbles on the pages. But it is okay, she will get there soon enough and then I will wish for the days when she was too little for coloring. These are the days of rain glistening on the kitchen window, french toast, eggs, and Diet Coke for dinner, and American Idol.

These are the days my soul is fulfilled with the simple sight of smiles behind a sippy cup.

These are the days I experience epiphanies on the swing at the park. I've been to lots of parks with a myriad of little ones over my years and years of being a nanny. But it is different with my own daughter. A few weeks ago it hit me so hard, with such a force that I almost had to go home because I felt emotionally depleted by one epic thought...I'm at the park with my biological daughter. Blink. I'm at the park. With my biological daughter. Blink. This is something I never ever thought would happen.

These are the days I'm living my own fairy tale. 


  1. tahnielove, i can't tell you how happy reading this made me. it's crazy to think that it's been 11 years since i first stumbled onto your writing and it's amazing when i think of everything i've read of yours. happiness, heartache, sadness, joy, grief...and now this. you deserve that gorgeous little ball of light that is little miss sookie more than any other human on the planet. i love how much you love her. it makes me yearn for my own future *fingers crossed* children in the best possible way. you are amazing tahnie. and entries like this is just further proof to why i will love you forever & ever. i miss you, friend! kiss little miss for me!

  2. that baby is so stinking cute. no joke. :)

  3. I just stumbled across your blog from the Ultimate Blog party! This was a completely and utterly beautiful post! Your writing, along with you and your daughters story is absolutely miraculous!!

  4. She is so cute!! I found your blog through Scenic Glory and noticed on your button that your daughter sucks on her two middle fingers. Mine does too!! So of course I had to check out your blog and I love it :D

  5. I found your site through the UBP11 and what a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing!

  6. Oh my word. Please pop her in the mail and send her to me! She is so cute!