15 October 2010

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Hug your babies tight. Cherish their laughter. Embrace the chaos. Love the messes they make. Be grateful for exhaustion, piles of laundry, and dirty diapers because somewhere out there is someone who is wishing they were dealing with all of that. Today is National Pregnancy/Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

A few hours ago, I wrote the above as a facebook status. I'm currently typing this with one hand, while holding little Miss Sookie, who will not sleep. While I try my best to only focus on the positive on my blog, I'm going to be brutally honest here for a minute; I'm having a really difficult time lately keeping up with my life. I knew things would be like this. I had a good idea my body would have a rough time after the pregnancy. Between all of my current health issues, some of which no one can figure out, and an 8 1/2 month old who is everywhere and now pulling herself up on any surface that will allow...well, I feel incredibly frazzled and stressed out most days. I should be used to it by now, but being in pain and not having an explanation is so emotionally draining and frustrating. However. Every single minute I know how lucky I am to have her, I know how many couples out there have lost a baby and are wishing for one to cuddle. Parenthood is not easy, but I realize I am blessed.

I've never lost an infant, but I know too many people who have. I wish I knew the "whys" behind it all. I spend a lot of time lately thinking about sweet Baby Cohen and Baby Ewan and how that could so easily be us. With the odds we were up against the entire pregnancy, with not only Sookie's well being, but my health as well, and that that horrible day 3 days before Christmas last year when we were told her left ventricle in her heart was measuring small. For a long time I tried to emotionally prepare both of us for the chance that we would have to deal with a tragedy, while still staying optimistic. There was so much unknown territory.

Even with the not so fun stuff going on lately, how frustrated and upset I am about my health, I know things could be worse. & days like today remind me of that. I think I doubled the amount of kisses I gave Sookie today.

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