19 October 2013

Beauty In The Brokenness

I am adamant about focusing on the good right now. It is all around and I will cherish it with every last little bit of me. Some days I have to fight for it harder than others, but I know it is always within my grasp. I'm essentially supposed to be on bed rest; which who knew, is so much more frustrating when you aren't pregnant. My appetite has disappeared while my lymph nodes in my neck are getting more painful and swollen by the day. I'm ready for answers, or at least some direction as to where we go next. Eight days until my appointment with the ID (infectious disease) transplant specialist, but then again who is counting? My friend Sierra's EBV and CMV morphed into cancer and she is one of my daily inspirations to stay strong and positive in hopes my immune system can keep all this at bay and avoid more medical fun, such as chemo.


What is shaping up to be a killer fall twenty thirteen playlist, which begins with Tom Petty's You Don't Know How It Feels morphing into Brett Dennen's Wild Child. Easing into the day with Almost Famous. The wake up call that I can let myself enjoy my favorites of everything right now. Never postpone joy. Take it right now. Life is now! This is it.

The pristine perfection of nature on my Dad's birthday. This is one of our favorite spots in the Utah mountains. This summer earned the now everlasting name of Mermaid Lake. My dad is such a remarkable man and an even better human being. He is filled with such divine love for everyone that he spreads patience and kindness wherever he goes. More and more every day, I appreciate his peace with life and this crazy universe. In his time, he has been through heavy heartache that would surely destroy most people. Yet he reminds me with gentle urgency to take the lesson from every tragedy and turn it into spiritual growth.

There has been a tremendous amount of kindness these last few weeks from family we've known forever and new friends we have only met this year. I honestly believe that one of the biggest lessons in life is learning to accept kindness and gracefully realize when you need help. Oh, it is so hard for someone like me, but I am learning. It is a great, fabulous, and wondrous thing.

Yesterday was 19 glorious years since my kidney transplant. 19 years ago yesterday my momma gave me life for the second time. 19 years ago waking up in ICU and eating mashed potatoes, I never would have predicted I would be where I am today. Yes, these past few weeks have been a beast at times, but I'm striving to hold tight to the millions of miracles that have brought me right into the midst of my wildest dreams. Where I am learning the most beautiful notion, to love and be loved in return.

On that 19th anniversary of my kidney transplant, I reveled in the whimsy of this chameleon plate I've been coveting forever and the victory of a prescription for B12 shots from my fantastic primary care doctor. I will do them every two weeks and I feel lucky this is happening.

It is easy to be grateful when everything is going your way in life. The real magic comes when you can find the hidden treasures in the brokenness. 

How about you? How do you find beauty in your own brokenness?
I would love to be inspired by your thoughts!


  1. You are incredible and have such a way with words. And that line at the end about finding the hidden treasures in the brokenness is so powerful! Thank you for bringing some perspective to my day.

  2. I agree with the above comment, that line at the end is what grabbed me! What a beautiful thought! Thanks so much for stopping by my little blog and for all of your sweet words. You are too kind! I love your photography and the design of your layout is RIGHT ON. Mine is still very much a work in progress....Blessings to you and yours!

  3. I'm so sorry that you're going through a hard time! Your positive attitude is so inspiring- I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers!

  4. your outlook always amazes me!! and I totally agree... I think that's the only way to get through life happy is if you have a good attitude to go with it.. otherwise there will be a ton of wasted sorrows leaving you feeling jaded... you are such a strong person, I admire that!

  5. I LOVE your dad, he really is a peaceful soul. This is a beautiful entry, thanks for a some Saturday morning inspiration! xoxo.

  6. Love that last thought of finding hidden treasures in the brokenness ... so nice to meet you :)