18 January 2013

because inspiration doesn't favor those who sit still

"let's go places, not just the ones you can find on a map, but the ones you can find in your heart. because inspiration doesn't favor those who sit still, it dances with the daring & rewards the courageous with ideas. ideas that inspire, ideas that take you places you never imagined, ideas big enough to make the heart skip a beat and, in some cases...maybe two."

i heard this on a toyota commercial last week. it hit me with much more force that an automobile advertisement should have. sookie was asleep early in the evening and rory and i were embracing some much needed down time, watching the golden girls of all things! it was beautiful, and simple. a piece of life i wanted to grasp and hold onto. (no, i am not an emotional or sensitive person at all. wink.)

i had my cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) a week ago. it was a day and a decision i've gone over and over and over and over in faith and in my heart and in odds and benefits versus risks. these days i prefer to tackle health obstacles with natural methods before i revert to strictly medical solutions. this one reached the point i felt i needed to go with surgery. for over two years i threw apple cider vinegar, cleanses, and numerous herbs at this beast and simply couldn't catch relief. there were hold ups; how would my body react without a gallbladder? would my transplanted kidney be unaffected by the surgery? (the location of it, in the front of my abdomen, was a little bit of an issue) would they be able to perform it laparoscopically? what if this didn't fix all the pain? (because my symptoms and issues weren't textbook, the surgeon could only say he was 60ish percent sure it would alleviate the pain i was experiencing.) how would i handle the anesthesia this time? (why, yes, i over analyze everything. ;)

after coming out of surgery, when i saw the size of the stone, a thousand pounds of anxiety were lifted off my shoulders.

yes, that thing was in me. for two years. yowza. i named him gerald. (not butler.) i have become well acquainted with him over numerous ultrasounds over the years, but to see it in real life...wow! people have said it looks like a corn nut. i promise you, it is not. it almost looks spiky. so weird, right?! one of the factors that kept me teetering on the edge of indecision was that my gallbladder was never inflamed or infected. i feel miles beyond lucky i was able to have the same surgeon perform the surgery who performed my kidney transplant 18 years ago! talk about divine intervention. 

in true rory and tahnie fashion, we have a million other things going on right now too. i remind myself we are awesome and lucky that way. i don't want to complain about that, nor do i want to glorify it (jenna from the life of the wife is focusing on this phrase and it has inspired me like whoa...) and maybe this is me trying to simply reconcile that there is chaos everywhere right now (good, good, amazingly, yummy chaos of the best kind, but chaos nonetheless) and i'm learning (oh boy, am i ever) to ask for help and even more so, that reaching out is so important. the older i get, the more i am open to others' offerings of help and outpourings of love. i like to push myself beyond what i think i am capable of, but at the same time i pull back when i need to do so. surgery and recuperating emphasizes all of this tenfold. i've been having a lot of rib pain and i'm super sensitive to any pain meds, so they all make me sick. sook has been having lots of sleepovers at glamma and poppa's and at the same time i crave time with her like i need air to breathe. she has been such a trooper with all of this change and asks to see my owwies multiple times a day. she is having a hard time grasping why i can't pick her up (which literally hurts my heart, but only 7 more days and i will scoop her up a million times to make up for it!) and why she can't be rough

i'm embracing the stillness when it comes and pushing myself a little beyond what is comfortable for a few hours at a time because i think it will ultimately lead to faster healing, physically and emotionally. i've loved being reminded how sweet little favorites can be when savored to the last drop and second; organic granny smith apples with ample amounts of salt sprinkled on top, alice hoffman, dozing off while wrapped up in the simple and comforting softness of a cascading cream colored sweater coat. the good simple stuff that is timeless. my stomach is now more than ever, a map of scars detailing my journey and permanent evidence of those hard fought victories.

okay, i just realized what a hypocritical entry this might seem like, the title and then rambling about how i'm finding peace in being still. i'm rambling. it has been a long few months. maybe it will make sense to someone else out there. but i think a big lesson i've learned this last year is that life never really does make sense. ha. ;)


  1. I'm popping in from the Sharefest. I love that first photo. Did you take it? It's really amazing. I've got 3 girls and 1 son. I'm glad to read that you're living and loving life through one miracle at a time.

    I'm now following you on GFC and Twitter.

    Tina - American mom raising 4 kids in South Arica

  2. Rambling is good. And those photos are gorgeous. Congrats on feeling better!

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. Life is rambling, so talking about it often feels the same way. I love the lessons you shared. I love that you miss holding your daughter. I love that you're learning the value of slowing down. I love that you're learning to let others help.

    Your photos are beautiful (even the stone because look what you overcame!), but my favorite has to be the one in the snow. Absolutely wonderful!

    Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend and that your healing is swift and uneventful.

  4. Beautiful! Stopping in from Casey's blog. :)

  5. Hi there, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris

  6. Love the snowy picture! Adorable!



  7. love you and your beautiful heart.



  8. love this pics and also your blog! It's so nice!!! I follow you!
    Pass to my blog and if it likes you follow me too, I will be so glad :D

  9. wow you write so beautifully. i hope youre doing ok now. beautiful pictures of your little girl!! take care of yourself :) x

  10. Im ur new follower from the blog hop :)

  11. all your photographs are so beautiful.

  12. New GFC follower. You're a beautiful writer, with an amazing story and a gorgeous little girl. Hope you are doing well. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you'll follow back.

  13. This is so beautiful. I'm so glad that weight has been lifted from you, this post was absolutely wonderfully written xo

  14. New follower for you, form the GFC collective! Love your blog. :) If you feel like stopping by my blog, I'd love it. Be sure to put your info on the map and sign up for some G-Mail. :)

    Have an awesome day!

    Gayle | Grace for Gayle

  15. Newest follower here! I found you through the blog hop. Your blog is super cute, I can't wait to read more! You can find me at meandmr.com

    -Melanie @meandmr.com

  16. Hello!! Your blog is wonderful.....I found you through the GFC collective & am now following. ;) Have a great day!!

  17. I'll hope that you get better soon! :) That thing looks so weird! It must have been scary to go to the surgery, but now it will get better. Your posts are very interesting and daughter is so adorable!<3 Have a great day and remember to smile! :)

    Kisses, Selina from Finland

    Ps: You've got yourself a new member :)

  18. Fabulous inspiration!!!! And that first picture with the light is AMAZING

    Pearls & Paws

  19. Beautiful bio story and my-oh-my you're little girl is SO gorgeous. I'm so glad to see you're doing well. Keep adventuring! <3

  20. ddddd0919lacoste polo shirts, http://www.polo-lacoste-shirts.fr/
    ray ban sunglasses outlet,ray ban sunglasses,ray ban,rayban,ray bans,ray ban outlet,ray-ban,raybans,ray ban wayfarer,ray-ban sunglasses,raybans.com,rayban sunglasses,cheap ray ban
    cheap mlb jerseys, http://www.cheapmlbjerseys.us.com/
    cheap oakley sunglasses, http://www.cheapoakleysunglassess.us.com/
    mulberry outlet online, http://www.mulberryoutlet.com.co/
    snapback hats, http://www.cheapsnapbacks.us.com/
    oakland raiders, http://www.oaklandraidersjerseys.us/
    toms shoes outlet online, http://www.toms.us.com/
    nike trainers,nike trainers uk,cheap nike trainers,nike shoes uk,cheap nike shoes uk
    los angeles lakers, http://www.lakersjerseys.us/
    oakley sunglasses cheap, http://www.oakleysunglasses-wholesale.us.com/
    michael kors outlet store, http://www.michaelkorsoutletusa.net/
    the north face jacketshttp://www.thenorthfaces.org.uk
    new york knicks, http://www.newyorkknicksjerseys.com/
    dansko clogs, http://www.dansko-shoes.us/
    prada outlet, http://www.pradashoes.us/
    toms outlet, http://www.tomsoutlet-stores.com/
    louis vuitton outlet online, http://www.louisvuittonoutlet.in.net/
    oakley, http://www.occhialioakleyoutlets.it/