18 April 2012

when life gives you lemons

...in the form of bringing your own mortality bubbling to your every surface and crashing down the walls of reality:

you cook dinner
you dance in the rain
you draw a happy yellow sun
with sidewalk chalk
you have indoor fruit breakfast picnics
on fake easter grass
you paint your girl's toes with pink glitter
while the rain showers down outside

you fall back to tried and true comforts
while building your way into new ones
new magazines
diet coke
american idol
sassy sandals
bright blue skinny jeans
(oh and what the heck, yellow ones too)

all the big and all the little.

oh yeah.
and you...
go find a bra that fits.

hear me out.

i'm digging deeper.
thinking wider.
loving harder.

i've been doing a lot of thinking in the past week. a tremendous amount of wondering. more thinking, more wondering. copious amounts of soul searching. i don't want to gloss over the loss of someone my age in our cystinosis community. because we are so small it hits hard. it rocks my world. i haven't been able to take a day or two down and pick up and "move on". i think it is a good thing i haven't. i force myself to ask the tough questions, because when you face fear, it has a soft way of meeting you halfway. if i knew for certain this was the last year of my life, what would i be doing differently? i'm spending my days with our girl, and there is no where else i would rather be. that is my big picture.

but i'm making small changes. for me changes. for sookie changes. for rory changes. for our little family changes.

chia seeds and carrot juice as a new avenue to find some energy cystagon quickly zaps from me. it is, by far, my biggest health challenge right now, tolerating the doses i need to be on. walks around the neighborhood to clear my head, so our girl can bask in fresh air, to work my leg muscles, because they are strong and i want to keep them that way. i'm losing myself in steven tyler's memoir does the noise in my head bother you? and alice hoffman's the story sisters. two beings that i've always found comfort and connection in, no matter how different their personalities.

so, right. a bra that fits.

i ventured to victoria's secret today, put my pride away and had them measure me. (i say "put away my pride" because, really...i'm an adult. of COURSE i'm wearing the right bra size. phsaw!) apparently i've been wearing a bra two sizes too small. i.kid.you.not. when the girl told me what she was measuring me, i told her she was crazy. ladies, the power of a bra that fits properly is no joke. no joke at all. i swear sunlight burst through the clouds, angels sang, and doves rejoiced.

i feel like i can conquer the world now! ;)


the winner of the $25 shop credit to gussy sews is: emma from boy oh boy!
big big congrats!


we wish you a good week.
& the inspiration & motivation to go that extra mile to make it a great one!


  1. Such a good post! I love the indoor picnic idea. And congratulations on the bra! Hahah such a satisfying feat. Praying for your loss. It's hard when it hits so close to home.

  2. Oh man I nEed to find me a bra that fits too. Ha, you really do feel like a brand new woman when your boobs are where theyre supposed to be.

  3. I read somewhere that a ridiculous number of women are wearing a wrong-sized bra! That seems to strange, but I bet it's true, lol. I also bet I am one of them. Maybe I need to go and be fitted so I can start off my quest for world domination too! :P

  4. A well-fitted bra does wonders...just stopping by from the Networking Blog Hop!
    Modern Modest Beauty

  5. She is just too cute & i love her polka dot jacket!

  6. Love your spirit and your go-to attitude.
    I love how a new bra is like a life-changer..
    I had a Russian lady at Nordstroms size me (think Soup Natzi - from Seinfield -No fit for you!!
    You make me smile - and pick myself up a little more!!
    Thanks for sharing your story!
    Chris Ann

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