Crazy cystagon rambling

Tonight I let a school girl-esque giggle escape my lips as I licked a baby pink confection of sugarific proportions off my fingertips. (Okay, so it was strawberries and powdered sugar, but still!) And you can bet my fingertips were faded blue from eye dyeing adventures earlier in the evening.





There are those moments, when I'm in a haze (caused by Cystagon and momma exhaustion, two things that are so tough in combination, but alas,birth keeping me alive in their own right) I still wonder if I'm dreaming. Something asks me, what would you do if you woke up tomorrow and she was gone? Truly, what would you do? I scan back in the chapters of my life, I think of my most frightening medical moments, and really feel how INSANE it is that I am here, surrounded in beauty by this family. I am not an easy person to love and Rory does. It is all so crazy.

We took our girl on an Easter egg hunt today. I cried. I can't help it! The three of us, doing happy things, normal things, memory making things. The joy spills over into tears. I did it again earlier while helping the Easter bunny gather everything for her basket. The love is big, bold, made ten times more potent when I realize I AM SO LUCKY to be here with her on her 3rd Easter. Cue the celebratory tears.

I noticed the bite marks in her grilled cheese at lunch today. I wanted to take it home, buy a shadow box at ikea and frame that sucker. Yes, I'm a little bit crazy. I want to save everything she's ever touched and document every minute of it all. I know this all sounds nuts, but she is so full in my heart, the love I have for her is all encompassing. I want to find every creative avenue to show her this.





If this post looks wonky, I apologize. I will fix it tomorrow! I'm writing it on my phone because I'm in bed, three seconds away from passing out! I spent most of Thursday in bed, so of course, today I overdid it again to make up for lost time! I need to get some sleep.

love & light!
Happy Easter!


7 comments :

  1. Hope you had a great Easter - I love the egg you decorated! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have a very beautiful blog with a lot of inspiring posts! I'd like to invite you to be my friend and follow each other:)
    I also have an amazing GIVEAWAY on my blog, please check it out:)

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  3. So many of the side effects from Cystagon remind me of Chemo side effects. Therefore, after six years of Rytuxan Chemotherapy I can understand a lot of what you are saying.
    I treasure every moment I have with all of my grand and greatgrand kids and with you and Sookie.
    You are such a good Mommy Tahnie.
    love ya

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