25 June 2010

One Year

One year is a long time; marriages can dissolve, houses can be bought, jobs lost and jobs found, relationships healed and broken. And yet one year is no time at all.

It has been a little over a year since we found out we were going to be parents. A year since R found out he was going to be a daddy. A year since I found out I was going to be a mommy, to a little being that was actually my own, instead of part time mommy to one of my lovely kids I played nanny to. A year since that rain and miracle filled June of '09. A year since crackers and ginger ale became my two favorite things in the world. A year since wanting to shout it from the roof tops that we were expecting, but staying guarded because I didn't want to jinx it. In so many ways it feels much longer than that. A myriad of ups and downs, unknowns and new territory. However, I still have to pinch myself all the time.

The pregnancy felt like it lasted forever, and yet now that she is here it feels like time has sped up. I want to stop time for just a heart beat or two.

Tonight I was attempting (attempting being the key word there) to do some organizing and I found precious ultrasound pictures and my adored mini notebook, decorated with orange butterflies. I want to create something out of the ultrasound photos, 18 weeks 5 days, 22 weeks 5 days, 26 weeks 5 days, 31 weeks. And those are just the ones I found! I know there are more. My orange butterfly notebook is full of (seemingly endless) questions I had for Dr. P, blood pressure readings at all appointments, weight, new thyroid medication dosages that were always changing, baby's heart rate, and many appointment reminder cards. I look back at it all and get a little angry at myself for not being more positive.

Because look at this face:

...she knew she was going to make it here all along.