stay foolish

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish." 
Steve Jobs
-- Stanford University commencement address, June 2005.


this man had a monstrous impact on my life.

yet i've never met him.

yesterday i made mental notes to remember how grounding the rain was, how excited i was to wear a pair of boots for the first time in a long while, the elation i felt picking out cheap fall crafts at hobby lobby with my girl, and the way ryan adams' songs jump into my veins and make themselves at home.

and then i heard the news about steve jobs.

this man, this absolute stranger, has blessed my family in a way that was life changing. because of his tenacity to attack his dreams, my sweetie was able to as well. there is nothing bigger than that. my daughter is in a place where daddy can spend a weekday morning with us and doesn't have to answer to a boss. he is not only working on his own terms, he is living on them as well. and oh hell yes, it was scary making that leap with him. but where we are now as a family? it is !@#$%^&* amazing. we have freedom. we have creativity bursting at every corner. we have daddy home for more than 48 hours a week. yes my medical expenses still tower over us, but we built our lives from the ground up, with dreams, with homemade love, with good old fashioned hard work. oh it got messy at times, everything might have been covered in dirt; but now? we're living life out loud with no erasers, no regrets, no dress rehearsals.

this speech of steve jobs' makes me turn everything around and want to write my memoir. right now. yesterday. a month ago. a year ago even.

what am i afraid of? what is holding me back? harsh criticism? not telling things the way they happened? sugar coating things? painting everything shades of gray? talking about the tragedy of losing my sister; something i touch on here and there on the blog, but not the way i want.

i think my two biggest fears are that a) no one will read it or b) i won't ever tell it.

rory reminds me all the time i need to tell my story.

...and you know steve is right. we all are dying, that is the final destination we all have in common. a thread that wraps us together, beyond our differences. fate doesn't pick who will die and who won't, she makes timelines that echo roller coasters where some precious and innocent souls will never get to walk into their first steps, while others float into their 90th year right alongside their childhood sweetheart.

which leads me to ask:
what do you want to do with this one wild and precious life?

*******

i'm on a mission to get into the top 20 for the 17th anniversary of my kidney transplant on october 18th. lofty? yes. but i've taken on lofty and won before. (wink)
would you vote for us? all you have to do is click the banner below and click the owl on the left. thank you SO much. when you do, please either email me or leave a comment and let me know how i can repay the favor. kindness is contagious.
xo.