Let's Play Hide And Go...

I love this child. I'm so happy she's mine.



I hope you are having a wonderful weekend! Soak up what is left of it!

xo.
tahnie

15 Months

Oh, sugar bean you are 15 months old!

(Yes, momma is very late with this one, seeing how you will be 16 months tomorrow.)

An equally appropriate alternative title for this post to you would be "Belly Buttons & Birds." You are obsessed with both of these things lately and it warms my being to see your little soul break out in fits of flutters whenever you see either of these wonderful phenomenons. According to you, belly buttons are so hilarious they deserve a round of giggles with each viewing and birds are such magnificent creatures that they might as well be unicorns soaring seamlessly in the sky. I love this about you; already finding the magic in the every day details.

You are now walking all around, with sass and confidence to boot. It is a big relief to me as you were indulging in that signature "Sookie scoot" of yours and I began to worry about the state of your hips and bones. At your 15 month checkup we addressed this concern with Dr. G and he reassured us you were okay. Momma can't help but go over every detail of your health with a fine tooth comb; it is my nature. I truly embrace it as an entirely separate miracle that you are healthy. It is such a monstrous blessing on top of everything else; it is like ten million cherries atop an already more than perfect sundae.

You, a year ago.

Look how much you have grown!?

I love it.

I refuse to be sad that you are growing up. I see so many mommas complain about their kids getting older, but I wish we could all treasure the gift of time and life. Wouldn't that be a revolution to behold? Because it means you are healthy enough to do so: grow, blossom, learn new things, discover your talents, your preferences, you are strong; because it is the secret of life and every minute you embrace as it is happening makes the future that much sweeter to watch unfold.

14 Months

 I'm having fun with picnik's collage feature. Can you tell?

Also, I swore I would never ever dress my daughter in animal print

however

a zebra in pink sparkly high heels?

Come on! That is too fabulous to pass up.

Little Miss Sassy Pants,

You cry at 1 a.m. I pick you up. Rub your back. Change your diaper. Give you some milk. I still have pangs of not being able to breastfeed, but I'm forgiving myself. I feel a deep comfort in the fact my body swaying back and forth is enough for you to be calmed. And when you put your head on my shoulder? I'm goo. Grateful, cliche silly mommy goo.

I have to laugh at myself because lately here I am thinking my baby is this little girl all grown up and you are so tiny still. Young I should say. Sweet. Innocent. Alright... most of the time.

And I realize it isn't enough for me to tell you things are happy and good, I have to show you. It isn't enough for me to tell you we are happy girls in this house, I have to show you how to be content. I have to be joyful for you to grasp the notion. I have to show you how to love, how to smile even when you don't want to, how to summon your courage at your darkest moments.

This responsibility is both frightening and monumentally beautiful. Even though at times I wonder if I have it in me, I know I do. I'm so ready to continue to rise to the blissful occasion of being your mom. 

At 14 months you are daring, vocal, shining brighter than ever. You are pushing limits, testing waters, spreading your wings.

I look at you and can sense that you are at a sacred age. You are on the verge of blossoming and the anticipation of our walking talking girl is so sweet, so precious, so surreal. I'm not in a rush for you to emerge from this cusp, because I know there is no going back. At the same time I will not miss out on any of everything that is now because I'm too busy trying to clench it all in my hands at once. I happen to be giddy over the stage you are in now. In the morning you softly stroke my eyelashes and your movements are so gentle, I wonder if you are questioning where your gorgeous long lashes came from, because it definitely wasn't me.

Your latest trick is to repeatedly say momma momma momma and I retort back daughter daughter daughter. You grin with the knowledge of what we went through to get you here. The words on my lips are nothing short of pure perfection; the spoken promise of a hope so big it lights up the whole sky, the biggest most astonishing gift I've ever been given.

10 months

Well Little Miss, you are 10 months old. Can you believe it? Because I can't.

I was wondering if I would have anything new to gush on you about since I was two weeks late with your 9 month post. However, it turns out you decided to learn a million and a half new talents just in a few short weeks. Talk about making an already overly emotional mama even more happy and sad about the very concrete fact you are growing up entirely too fast.

I have treasured every single second I have been able to spend with you. I have taken so many photos that sometimes people tease me about it. But you know what? When all is said and done, photos are priceless. I feel such a peace looking back at your sweet life already. I cannot even begin to find the words to showcase how amazed I am that I have been able to stay with you for these 10 months. I have been busier than I ever have been in life, but we are lucky ladies that Daddy works exceedingly hard so that we can have the luxury of abundant time together. (And it is a luxury, I truly believe and know that with all of my heart.)

I could write about you forever; your quirks, your sweet little toes, your hands, your hair that is all of a sudden curly and messy in the mornings.

I also find myself wishing I could document every single minute of your revolutionary existence. It is a futile daydream, but still one nonetheless.

You have learned how to turn yourself around, climb, and stand up in your high chair. Feeding now requires us to strap you in; you don't like this very much but I wish I could explain to you it is for your own good.

You give the best hugs. They are the best simply because you have a real sense of urgency and purpose behind the power in your little arms as you wrap them around my neck and promptly squeeze with all of your strength. I melt every single time. It was one thing for me to love and squeeze on you before, but now that you can actually show deliberate affection is just the greatest thing in the world.

You have started waving goodbye with so much fervor, I can't help but laugh. It is almost as though now that you have it figured out, you want to do it with such vigor as to make up for all of the times before when you weren't quite ready or able.

You adore throwing things, namely toys and food. Jack loves this; especially when cheerios are the object being catapulted right his way.

You are really beginning to love books and this makes me so happy I could burst. You can now turn the pages and like to pay attention more than you have been able to in the past. You are particularly fond of the books that feature all different textures.

You grab onto my legs and pull yourself up several times a day. It is as though you haven't seen me in years and must be in my arms. When it is nap time or bed time, you stand up in your crib and cling to my waist. This makes it incredibly difficult for Mommy not to pick you up.

You are interacting with Jack more and more. I think sometimes he loves it and sometimes not so much. Probably because many times lately you want to just grab his ears or skin and you don't realize he doesn't like that. He makes you laugh and laugh and laugh; which is the most beautiful sound on earth.

You can sense when there is tension in a room and you try to vocalize it. As if you are telling everyone upset to calm down and relax.

I try to give you choices already in what you are going to wear and eat. I'm sure soon enough it will be a battle.

You are napping better during the day and in the crib, which Mommy is beyond grateful for.

Your "hyper teeth kisses" as we like to call them are getting more and more hilarious and painful at the same time. When you are having your energetic time right before bed, you try to kiss every surface of our faces; except that your teeth become involved 90% of the time and it hurts! I still can't stop laughing whenever you try to though.

Here is a video of another one of your newest tricks:

5 months - Dear Sookie

Dear Sookie,

You are five months old now and mommy can't quite believe it. In some ways it feels like you have been a part of my life forever, and in other ways it seems like I found out I was pregnant yesterday. Time is a tricky concept, but you will soon learn that for yourself. Every day you change and it is as though you are learning something new each minute. I love to just sit and watch you figure out how to maneuver your hands to grasp a toy, or pull your knees under your belly in your early attempts to launch into crawling.

You make each day a new adventure and I am so happy for that. Mommy was a nanny for many years before you came along and I knew then that motherhood was the most difficult job in the universe. I am learning that more than ever these days, but I am oh so grateful for this time with you. I know I am very lucky I have been able to stay home with you for 5 delightful months. I'm always wondering if I am making the best choices for you. I try my best to cater my parenting to suit your needs and make sure it fits your personality and temperament.

I find myself getting excited for all of your milestones coming up; solid food, crawling, talking, walking. However I stop myself and take mental snapshots of every little quiet time and flash of where you are now. It is so important to learn how to be in the moment and that is something you are helping mommy truly work on.

I worry about you a lot. Daddy says I worry too much, but that is always something I have been good at doing. I don't want you to worry as much as I do. I want you to go for what you want in life and in love. I want you to be yourself, no matter who that is and not listen to anyone else who thinks they know what is best for you. Only you know what you need to do. I want you to love with every fiber of your being and not worry about getting your heart broken. The joy really is in the ride, sweetheart. I want you to only concentrate on making yourself happy and not care about others or their opinions of you.

Above all else, I want you to remember you are a true miracle. You are living and breathing proof that the impossible is never worth giving up on.

Love,
Mommy