life is now.

my heart is unsettled tonight.


oh, i do my absolute best to focus on the good in life, laugh through the pain and cling close to those i love and celebrate what i have, what i used to have, and what i one day will have.


but tonight my heart hurts for two incredible women i know through the internet and blog world. my sweet, beautiful friend gina lost her mother to stage IV lung cancer. gina has handled all of this with such grace and kindness. she amazes me. sara frankl aka gitzen girl is going home soon. i don't know sara, i only know her through her blog, but can i tell you how much this girl moves me to LIVE?! she handles her illness and reality with such...honor and gratitude. i hope against hopes i can face the progression of my disease with her kind of strength.


my movements are more deliberate today, my thoughts aligned with what is true, my emotions slower; telling anxiety to simply take a hike.


how do you turn your head toward the sun in times like this? when it is so achingly obvious...life is not fair. it's not. no matter how hard you try to sugarcoat it.


what do you do? you take it all in, you feel compassion and empathy. you allow yourself to experience the hurt, you take it, look it over, recognize the message it has, but you don't let it hold you back from anything.

i'm going to continue to look into this angel face, soaking up all her magic and loving her with all i have. i'm not going to worry about tomorrow, or how much time i have with her, i'm going to do what matters; because life is now.