Leap

It's been a big week to say the least. To sum it up in a sentence, I had an interview for the Child Life internship at PCMC I've wanted for 6 years and Sookie was tested for Cystinosis; all within a 24 hour span. I feel like I'm still trying to wind down emotionally from all of it. Going to the same exact place two days in a row and having to put on two completely different hats was a great learning experience. Funny thing is, even after how emotionally drained I feel, I'm at peace with both situations and whatever stems from the answers. Of course, ideally I would love a yes to the internship and a no to Cystinosis for Sookie, but I will live out what comes.

Money is such a frustrating issue these days and it angers me that I'm letting it control so many of my moods. Although I know if R and I were both working, there would be something else to worry about. I am endlessly grateful for Sookie and her safe arrival. Every single day I wake up and just soak her in. She is a big facet to why I actually found the courage to finally apply for the internship. She is living proof I can do anything, and I don't care how cliche that sounds. I also don't want her to ever think she can't be a mommy and fulfill her professional dreams.

I realize the chances of her having Cystinosis are very rare. However, if I wait until she starts showing symptoms, I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that. I wasn't comfortable with having an amnio during the pregnancy, so I felt this was the best route. My head knows it is not a death sentence, but my heart, oh my heart... doesn't want her to grow up in hospitals or take over 30 pills a day or wonder where a kidney will come from.