Live To The Point Of Tears

Today something happened that I've been daydreaming about since I was 3 years old.

This:

Yes, yes indeed I might have been conjuring up images of my own little pixie flitting into dance class since the days when I was barely big enough to myself. It was a milestone day with lots of happy tears and big huge smiles from all three of us. The fact that we are all here together still experiencing life moving forward...it is so huge. All of it. 

This summer I had a self realization epiphany that I am an introvert who loves people. It seems achingly elementary now that I see it, but oh my goodness...it explains so much. 

I have also discovered that I am generally really fabulous at eating healthy and organic during the day, but once Miss S is asleep I feel like I have to eat all the donuts and berry sour patch kids in the world. Have I mentioned balance is a never ending journey? (Wink.)

I listened to a whole lot of Closer To Fine by the Indigo Girls this summer. I even taught Sook the chorus. Girl is a pro at memorizing killer lyrics. 

A sunday night walk. The last one in my twenties.

Two weeks ago, I spent the last hour of my twenties watching Joe Rogan investigate the chances of the reality of Bigfoot, complete with a man (with his Ph.D mind you) at NYU analyzing samples of what could have possibly been Bigfoot feces. I was laughing so hard with Rory, there were moments I couldn't catch a breath! I stayed awake until 12:47 to witness myself actually crossover that defining, albeit invisible line, between 29 and 30.

These past few weeks has been ladybugs who are late to tea parties, carrot juice mustaches, and juicy tomatoes ripe from the August sun.  Birthday random acts of kindness teaching me that the more you open your heart, the stronger and braver you become. The more you focus on giving outside of your own little world, the quicker your world opens up and gives you the courage to face your own demons and perhaps, if you are lucky, the new vantage point might even inspire new methods to tackle your obstacles.

Confession: my mom and Rory wanted to throw me a birthday party, but I simply had too much anxiety over all of it, so I opted to spread the celebrations out with a few people at a time. Now it is two weeks later, I still have the birthday blues and am thinking I should have had a party. My friends with cystinosis who have passed before seeing 30 have been heavy on my heart this month and making peace with all the swirling gratitude and guilt and love and life is a tricky web to conquer.