"let's go places, not just the ones you can find on a map, but the ones you can find in your heart. because inspiration doesn't favor those who sit still, it dances with the daring & rewards the courageous with ideas. ideas that inspire, ideas that take you places you never imagined, ideas big enough to make the heart skip a beat and, in some cases...maybe two."
i heard this on a toyota commercial last week. it hit me with much more force that an automobile advertisement should have. sookie was asleep early in the evening and rory and i were embracing some much needed down time, watching the golden girls of all things! it was beautiful, and simple. a piece of life i wanted to grasp and hold onto. (no, i am not an emotional or sensitive person at all. wink.)
i had my cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) a week ago. it was a day and a decision i've gone over and over and over and over in faith and in my heart and in odds and benefits versus risks. these days i prefer to tackle health obstacles with natural methods before i revert to strictly medical solutions. this one reached the point i felt i needed to go with surgery. for over two years i threw apple cider vinegar, cleanses, and numerous herbs at this beast and simply couldn't catch relief. there were hold ups; how would my body react without a gallbladder? would my transplanted kidney be unaffected by the surgery? (the location of it, in the front of my abdomen, was a little bit of an issue) would they be able to perform it laparoscopically? what if this didn't fix all the pain? (because my symptoms and issues weren't textbook, the surgeon could only say he was 60ish percent sure it would alleviate the pain i was experiencing.) how would i handle the anesthesia this time? (why, yes, i over analyze everything. ;)
after coming out of surgery, when i saw the size of the stone, a thousand pounds of anxiety were lifted off my shoulders.
yes, that thing was in me. for two years. yowza. i named him gerald. (not butler.) i have become well acquainted with him over numerous ultrasounds over the years, but to see it in real life...wow! people have said it looks like a corn nut. i promise you, it is not. it almost looks spiky. so weird, right?! one of the factors that kept me teetering on the edge of indecision was that my gallbladder was never inflamed or infected. i feel miles beyond lucky i was able to have the same surgeon perform the surgery who performed my kidney transplant 18 years ago! talk about divine intervention.
in true rory and tahnie fashion, we have a million other things going on right now too. i remind myself we are awesome and lucky that way. i don't want to complain about that, nor do i want to glorify it (jenna from the life of the wife is focusing on this phrase and it has inspired me like whoa...) and maybe this is me trying to simply reconcile that there is chaos everywhere right now (good, good, amazingly, yummy chaos of the best kind, but chaos nonetheless) and i'm learning (oh boy, am i ever) to ask for help and even more so, that reaching out is so important. the older i get, the more i am open to others' offerings of help and outpourings of love. i like to push myself beyond what i think i am capable of, but at the same time i pull back when i need to do so. surgery and recuperating emphasizes all of this tenfold. i've been having a lot of rib pain and i'm super sensitive to any pain meds, so they all make me sick. sook has been having lots of sleepovers at glamma and poppa's and at the same time i crave time with her like i need air to breathe. she has been such a trooper with all of this change and asks to see my owwies multiple times a day. she is having a hard time grasping why i can't pick her up (which literally hurts my heart, but only 7 more days and i will scoop her up a million times to make up for it!) and why she can't be rough
i'm embracing the stillness when it comes and pushing myself a little beyond what is comfortable for a few hours at a time because i think it will ultimately lead to faster healing, physically and emotionally. i've loved being reminded how sweet little favorites can be when savored to the last drop and second; organic granny smith apples with ample amounts of salt sprinkled on top, alice hoffman, dozing off while wrapped up in the simple and comforting softness of a cascading cream colored sweater coat. the good simple stuff that is timeless. my stomach is now more than ever, a map of scars detailing my journey and permanent evidence of those hard fought victories.
edit:
okay, i just realized what a hypocritical entry this might seem like, the title and then rambling about how i'm finding peace in being still. i'm rambling. it has been a long few months. maybe it will make sense to someone else out there. but i think a big lesson i've learned this last year is that life never really does make sense. ha. ;)
I'm popping in from the Sharefest. I love that first photo. Did you take it? It's really amazing. I've got 3 girls and 1 son. I'm glad to read that you're living and loving life through one miracle at a time.
ReplyDeleteI'm now following you on GFC and Twitter.
Tina - American mom raising 4 kids in South Arica
http://abooksandmore.blogspot.com
Rambling is good. And those photos are gorgeous. Congrats on feeling better!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. Life is rambling, so talking about it often feels the same way. I love the lessons you shared. I love that you miss holding your daughter. I love that you're learning the value of slowing down. I love that you're learning to let others help.
ReplyDeleteYour photos are beautiful (even the stone because look what you overcame!), but my favorite has to be the one in the snow. Absolutely wonderful!
Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend and that your healing is swift and uneventful.
Beautiful! Stopping in from Casey's blog. :)
ReplyDeleteLove the snowy picture! Adorable!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
www.alyciamealy.blogspot.com
love the first photo!
ReplyDeletelove you and your beautiful heart.
ReplyDeletexo
erin
sweetnessitself.blogspot.com
wow you write so beautifully. i hope youre doing ok now. beautiful pictures of your little girl!! take care of yourself :) x
ReplyDeleteIm ur new follower from the blog hop :)
ReplyDeleteHttp://www.curvyguruceri.com/
Xxx
all your photographs are so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteNew GFC follower. You're a beautiful writer, with an amazing story and a gorgeous little girl. Hope you are doing well. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you'll follow back.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful. I'm so glad that weight has been lifted from you, this post was absolutely wonderfully written xo
ReplyDeleteNew follower for you, form the GFC collective! Love your blog. :) If you feel like stopping by my blog, I'd love it. Be sure to put your info on the map and sign up for some G-Mail. :)
ReplyDeleteHave an awesome day!
xoxo,
Gayle | Grace for Gayle
Newest follower here! I found you through the blog hop. Your blog is super cute, I can't wait to read more! You can find me at meandmr.com
ReplyDelete-Melanie @meandmr.com
Hello!! Your blog is wonderful.....I found you through the GFC collective & am now following. ;) Have a great day!!
ReplyDeleteI'll hope that you get better soon! :) That thing looks so weird! It must have been scary to go to the surgery, but now it will get better. Your posts are very interesting and daughter is so adorable!<3 Have a great day and remember to smile! :)
ReplyDeleteKisses, Selina from Finland
Ps: You've got yourself a new member :)
Fabulous inspiration!!!! And that first picture with the light is AMAZING
ReplyDeleteXO
Pearls & Paws
Beautiful bio story and my-oh-my you're little girl is SO gorgeous. I'm so glad to see you're doing well. Keep adventuring! <3
ReplyDelete201576dongdong
ReplyDeleteoakley sunglasses sale
tory burch outlet
coach outlet
coach factory outlet
sac longchamp
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton handbags
coach outlet
nike air max
louis vuitton
jordan 3
red christian louboutin
football shoes
longchamp handbags
hollister
p90x workouts
michael kors outlet online
michael kors outlet
air max 90
michael kors outlet online sale
michael kors outlet
fitflops
burberry outlet
air max uk
pandora charms
coach factory outlet
ray ban sunglasses
tods shoes
toms outlet
burberry outlet
christian louboutin sale
jrodan retro
louboutin
fendi
chanel handbags
20161031 junda
ReplyDeletelouis vuitton
michael kors factory outlet
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
true religion jeans
asics
canada goose
longchamp handbags
adidas wings
louis vuitton neverfull
true religion jeans
michael kors outlet
hollister canada
nike free running
rolex outlet
beats by dr dre
polo ralph lauren
nike blazer pas cher
nike roshe run
the north face jackets
cartier watches
lacoste polo shirts
toms shoes
rolex watches
longchamp pliage
coach outlet
lululemon outlet
coach outlet online
coach outlet store
nike air force 1
louis vuitton handbags
cazal sunglasses
swarovski crystal
canada goose outlet
nike air max uk