living on luck, betting ten thousand to ten

I have to confess, I still feel like this is all a dream. 

I know I say that all the time, but that doesn't change the force of it; because it is the red hot truth.


Our girl is here and thriving, growing, living, learning, HEALTHY, blossoming. 


I am SO grateful she is getting older, can't believe she will be TWO in 3 months. I put away clothing she has outgrown, and while the tears threaten, there is so much more. There is gratitude so fierce, it bubbles over and I find myself shaking. Shaking because at the ripe old age of 21 months, she has conquered battles bigger than most of us. Shaking because her heart is perfect, literally and figuratively. Shaking because she was never supposed to be a part of my story, and now she is my world.


I want to remember everything.


She yells 'WHEE!!!' gleefully as we turn a corner in the car. She insists on giving Jack (our doggy) a kiss before nap time and bedtime. She has grown bored of her highchair. She is very into putting her own socks and shoes on. She strongly dislikes having her hair combed. Oh and how her hair has grown. It is halfway down her back and falls into immediate curls. Her favorite thing to say is "sh sh showa" and for every ounce of our grand intentions, we cannot figure out what she is trying to convey. (Although our latest guess is perhaps her name: Sookie Sierra?!) When she is tired, she hooks her right arm around my neck and snuggles close to my right shoulder. High fives are pure magic and everyone must play along with her requests for them, at all times...even Jack. She has a passionate penchant for baths, in true aquarius style.


All of these are normal things and I get that. But to me? To me these normal rites of toddler passage are sacred ripples that propel me into our future together. And in those very same moments anchor me to the present, with the urgency of soaking up the moment so deep into your being, that the memories will live and dance in your bones forever; because you never know what tomorrow will bring.


My eyes scan her; her button nose, her elf-esque ears, her rockstar red hair, her steadfast and curious hands so eager to hold and love and pet and draw and splash and discover and scatter and wiggle. It is then, when I am reveling in her perfection, that I feel the enormity of life and the true meaning of mother.


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