lions, tigers, and bears

i'm going to say something that isn't annoyingly optimistic or ridiculously positive. (and yet i hope you will continue to read because while i pride myself at seeking out the joy in all things, i also have a fierce commitment to being real but sometimes the two don't always coincide. i always want to be real here with myself and with you sweet readers.)

today was awful.

yes, it was.

the day was anyway. feeling like a failure as a momma. feeling the huge fact that i can't do everything and i need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. i hold myself to impossible standards and i always say i will stop, but i don't. realizing i need to ask for help once in awhile, which is an oh so big burden on my massive ego that thinks... "i'm not sick, i have all the energy in the world, i'm not only supermomma, i'm superwoman, i can do it all AND bake organic vegan cookies from scratch whilst looking adorable with a full face of makeup in my pristine house with my perfect doll of a toddler."

we were so late for little miss S' 18 month check up, that i had to reschedule. only to realize 15 minutes later that i have a physical therapy appointment (for my hip flexors) ten minutes after the time i rescheduled sookie's appointment. and no, this isn't life or death but i feel crushed when my health directly affects her life. it is something i promised myself would never happen.

so...
what do you do when you have a day where it feels like everything is crashing all around you and you don't even have the strength to ask for help?

why, you don animal face paint and indulge in mexican food for your cousin's 27th birthday dinner of course!

i won't remember today as the day i was so scattered, exhausted and crazed that i couldn't even get sookie to the doctor on time, i will remember it as, "hey, remember for kenyon's 27th birthday how we all painted our faces like animals and went to mi ranchito? laughter filled the restaurant and even though we were perhaps slightly obnoxious, the other diners were secretly wishing they were a part of our vivacious group brave enough to bask in childlike whimsy in public?"

fairly certain everyone thought we were nuts, but so what? my reminder i needed that life is short; LAUGH. some days are diamonds and some are dirt, you take it, accept it, movie on, brush yourself off, shift some emotions and revise goals. you resolve to wake up again tomorrow and try again.

so i will wake up and try again tomorrow. and the next day and the next. for, i turn 28 on friday and that is 19 years longer than i was ever supposed to be on this earth.

for tomorrow there will be play group, physical therapy, precious time in the car when a momma has minutes to herself, cursing the heat, but embracing ice cold lemon water, big sunglasses, watermelon, sookie's vocabulary that is tripling by the second, and every last bit of summer.