11:11

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One can garner quite an insight into what is going on in my life by what I wish for at 11:11.

In 1988 I wished for a sibling. In 1994, I wished to make it through my kidney transplant alive, but also I didn't want to wake up during the actual surgery. That was one of my biggest fears. And you know what? With good reason; because during my college years studying to be a Child Life Specialist at the University of Utah, I learned it does happen, and a lot more often than you would think. During the years that followed my transplant, I wished for health and for pesky PICC lines to disappear. Showering while having to cover my arm in saran wrap and a garbage bag was not the most fun thing I've ever done in life. Around 2005, I constantly wished for the perseverance to finish my college degree. For most of 2006, I wished against all reason for the strength to make it through the next hour. my heart did not want to see what the next five minutes held when I was drowning in grief heavier than anything else I have ever known. In 2007, I wished for forever with a man I barely knew, but knew nonetheless was my happily ever after. In 2009 I ached for a healthy pregnancy against all odds stacked so high; I wished to make it through the first trimester, then to the cusp of viability of 24 weeks. I made deals that were hazardous; if I can just make it to 29 weeks, I don't care if I lose my kidney, I'll go through the transplant process all over again, just so long as she gets the best start possible.

These days? These days I wish for grace.

Grace to face health battles while staying a good momma. Grace to show Sookie how thrilling it is to be a woman. Grace to make the best choices with the options and circumstances given. Grace to bloom where I'm planted. Grace to make Sookie's childhood magical and full of nothing but rainbows, cupcakes and unicorns. Grace to use the knowledge I worked so hard for in college and somehow find a creative way to use it for good, even if it will be outside of a children's hospital and not the way I dreamed for so long.

What wishes spark your heart at 11:11?